Wednesday, April 30, 2008

An Idiots Guide to Streaking

My Phone!!!

Quick update. I misplaced my phone. Sorry to the people who tried to call me whom I missed: Lindsay Lohan, Prime Minister Harper, Joe Sakic, The lead singer from the Pussycat Dolls, Paris Hilton, Grandma, David Schwimmer, Phillip Michael Thomas, Jonathon Taylor Thomas, Isaiah Thomas, Chevy Chase, Sean Avery (get well soon buddy), The Dalai Llama, Vince Vaughn, Tupac Shakur, Brian Burke (take the T.O job Burkie!), Premier Wall, The Guy who does the voice for Homer Simpson, Brad and Angie, Keener, Harold, Kumar, Justin Timerlake, Deepak Chopra, Victoria Beckham (it's okay, Davie doesn't read this), Harold Snepsts, Steven Spielberg and Big Dave from the Shack.

The Streak is OVER!!!

Former Bronco Nathan Smith got popped by the po-lice for streaking in Pennsylvania.

His friends (including former Brandon Wheat King Ryan Stone) also got in hot water for being drunk in public. From the sounds of it...a few guys where walking home from somewhere (a good thing to do when you're intoxicated), Smith got double dared to streak...and got busted. It looks like he also lead the cops back to his drunken friends and got them in some "drunk in public" hot water too.

Tragic.

This event should not have happened. Sometimes at a party things happen, drinks are flowing and someone gets dared to streak. Putting on a show for your drunk friends can be fun, but should be done tastefully and legally.

Here is a step by step guide to safe and fun streaking:

1. DON'T DO IT!!! Yes, you may want to impress people with your confidence and impulsive behavior, but there are other ways to get people to think you're cool. Be a good conversationalist...tell interesting stories about yourself, be a good listener to other people's neat stories. THERE ARE WAYS TO BE COOL WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON!!!

...

...

...

Okay, so you've chosen to ignore step one and you're going to streak anyway.

2. Establish Ground Rules. Streaking will make you look like someone who is confident and daring...but it can also make you look like a nerd trying to get the approval of your friends. DON'T STREAK UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO SOMETHING EQUALLY DARING IN RETURN...and shake hands on it. If you're only one willing to take one for the team to be the life of the party, don't do it. You'll look way more cool and confident saying no to a dull crowd than people laughing at your expense and then going back to their drinks.

3. Make sure it's Late/Consider Your Audience. Don't let young children see your insolent behavior. If you're at a party where young kids are in the house, even if they are sleeping or watching a movie, DON'T DO IT! Children don't need to see your junk and they certainly shouldn't be emulating your actions at their own social functions.

4. Have a Safe Start and End. It seems Nathan Smith and his friends got popped because they were out roaming the streets. Don't streak in this situation. Have a house to begin and end your streak.

5. Plan Your Route. Know where you are going before you start. Your streak should only last about 45 seconds tops. People have short attention spans...anything longer than that and the novelty wears off...anything shorter than 10 seconds is weak. Know where you're going to go when your run is done.

6. Don't Sprint! Make your streak a nice leisurely jog. You'll look confident and comfortable in your own skin. Save the sprinting for a quick getaway should the authorities be passing by.

7. Be normal. If you pass someone on the street as you're running around nude, don't make eye contact or be a perv. Just proceed at a leisurely pace by them without doing anything to traumatize them. Act like you would if you were jogging with clothes on. If you've picked your spots and done your streak late at night, no one out at that time should be offended and you'll give them a good chuckle. Shaking your junk at people is a HUGE no-no and the kind of thing that could get in trouble.

8. Don't Do it in Your Hometown if you Live in a Small Town/City. Because your boss WILL find out and it may harm your career...No good can come from being branded as "the naked guy".

But trust me...you really should just follow step 1.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sunday, Bloggy Sunday

BE PREPARED TO BE BORED WITH FAMILY PICTURES!!!

The weather this weekend did not suck. Swift Current has beautiful parks and fun playgrounds. My kids and I WENT OUTSIDE!



Eliza, 5, offers a nice fake smile while looking at things she would rather do than pose for a picture. Ethan, 7 in the middle and me, showing why my career in TV never took off.



Ethan in hot pursuit. He was "it" at time of photo.



Eliza patiently waits atop the slide for her father to figure out the camera.



Ethan, after ascending to the top of the play structure proclaims himself "King of the Castle". (Photo by Dirty Rascal)

That's all

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, April 26, 2008




Pictured above: this blogger and his cat...which he has grown to detest

I TAW I TAW AN IDIOT!!!/Property Value Lowering

A digital camera adding to the blog? Welcome to the 21st century Switz.

Months ago I blogged about adopting a cute cuddly kitten that had wandered into my yard. Our family named it "Link". We fed him, provided him with shelter and a place to shit. He was a shy cute cuddly bundle of joy that reduced stress and added an element of childish innocence to our home.

Times have changed.

I am a cat person. I've adopted a dog and won't again. You don't have to walk a cat. Cats clean themselves, they don't stink and felines don't eat their own vomit and excrement. I have never had to follow a cat through a park and clean up it's crap as it pulls me.

Link, however is the dumbest cat I have ever encountered. Most animals have a built in survival instinct. Link doesn't. I have to make an effort each day not to kill him.

The stove opens...in he goes.

The fridge opens...in he goes.

The Microwave opens...You get the idea.



Pictured: The Switzer Family Fish, "Blue" who is smarter than Link.




When one walks down stairs in our house, Link chooses this time to rub against legs for affection, not realizing the damage he could do to himself and the people who feed him.

Some cats like to drink out of the toilet. Link chooses to do so while it is being used...

Cats hate water. So does Link. Every morning on cue he will jump into the shower with me. Every morning on cue when he doesn't leave he gets blasted with water and scurries out of the shower pissed off. The cycle will continue tomorrow.

Affectionate? yes...at 5am. GO AWAY!!!

But, how is he with the kids? Great. They pull him buy the tail, they dress him up, they pet him the wrong way...he purrs and enjoys it.

Which makes him worth the hassle.

My 'Hood

In the last six months new neighbours have moved in next door.

They raid my garbage.

No, they are not looking through old papers trying to steal my identity...They have different intentions.

Heather and I moved in to our house six years ago. It has been an ongoing project for renovations. We have much junk in our back lot area. Old doors, flooring, an old eye-sore shed we didn't want anymore. It was all headed for the dump until our neighbour found it.

and built a garage







I know it is cool to be "green". The fact that he took junk and built something like this is surely something that should've warranted a display at the enviro-forum. Perhaps my neighbour could be the keynote speaker next year.

But what of my property value??? Show of hands; WHO WANTS TO LIVE NEXT DOOR TO THIS!?!?!

Put your hands down smart ass, I can't see you anyway!

Regina readers who call Swift people "hillbillies" are loving this blog entry. I'll give you one more:





I can only express puzzlement.

Token Hockey Portion

Central scouting released one of their many lists highlighting draft eligible players in North America. Most armchair experts have an opinion on "mistakes" they think Central Scouting made. Jon Keen has the WHL notables on his blog which is linked on the right. The big stud from the WHL is 6'7 Tyler Myers from Kelowna. He is big...and he can skate.

Jordan Eberle who is not big, but can skate and score checked in at 33 amongst North American skaters.

42 goals in the toughest defensive league in Canada and he gets 33? An offensive leader at age 17 who led his team to a 1st place pennant in the uber-competitive WHL east and he is ranked 33rd? Not in the world...just North America?

I thought he'd be higher? That's all.

Cool Things About Deano

It was on Dean Chynoweth's father's watch that WHL hockey came to Swift Current. He was the man in charge of the dub when Lethbridge packed it in and moved to Swift Current. The 89 Mem Cup, the 93 league title, the emotional wins this year in the playoffs...All the good times at the Civic Centre/iPlex from 1986 to now are thanks in part to Ed Chynoweth.

Thank you Big Ed for taking a chance on the smallest market in the CHL. THANK YOU

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Friday, April 25, 2008

Weekend Preview

Why don't you update this more?

Another one of those in my comments section. I will give you this answer...again.

I have a real job. If you can blog everyday and still earn a living and raise a family, YOU DO IT!!! I have to pay for bills, food, beer and movies that I watch alone on my Sask Tel Max.

Plus a good chunk of my paycheque goes to investing. I ain't doin' radio forever! I will not be that weirdo dinosaur on the radio 15 years past my prime.

Inside Joke

The dude is a ticking time bomb...he needs it. Haha!


And for my hockey readers...Central Scouting??? Are they really paying attention? Really? Our game is in a sad state.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

For you Baby

I like my wife more than you.

Don't take it personal.

Our song...




Loving someone is putting up with their shit. Thanks for putting up with mine.

Saturday, April 19, 2008




Kick his ass Georges!!!

Still Here

I will be updating this thing in the next few days. I'm enjoying the break in the busy schedule. I'm not a huge UFC fan...but am intrigued at the Matt Serra/Georges St. Pierre tilt tonite. The fight is in Montreal, the home of St. Pierre. Matt Serra is from Long Island and is certainly marketed as the villian in this one. These gus have fought once with Serra getting the victory. The Bell Centre is sold out but you can buy tickets for $3000 a pair. All this in the midst of Hab fever too.

Anytime there is a Canada/US grudge match in any sport, I get fired up over it. If St. Pierre wins it will be a celebration in a lot of bars around Canada. People always want to fight after watching these pay per views too. You get beer, knuckles and testosterone all flowing in the same direction...

We could have a fun night in the World's greatest Country.




Brendan Shanahan and Sean Avery...Martin Brodeur did not shake hands with one of them...

"A very" touchy Subject


Sean Avery and the Rangers are off to round 2. Martin Brodeur didn't shake Avery's hand post game and post series in defeat. WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? Never. Every Bronco shook Derek Dorsett and Ryan Hollweg's hand in defeats of yester year. Hockey players are the classiest pro athletes in the world EASILY. What does it say when a guy with a certain hall of fame induction and numerous Stanley Cups and World titles doesn't even give a token handshake?

This Sean Avery thing cuts deep and the fraternity of NHL players doesn't even like it.

I know I've been a supporter of Sean Avery and I will continue to be.

Why?

Because he highlights how bastardized the game has become. I hate the instigator with the passion of 1,000 CBC commentators. While they are still 12 wins away, I hope the Rangers take the cup. Yes I do. Only for the visual of Sean Avery hoisting it while even his own teammates show looks of resentment. Maybe that will wake some people up in head office. I hope Avery can jack ass his way to a cup, to the point where Gary Bettman and Colin Campbell even say "someone should knock that guy out!".

That won't happen...but a guy can dream.

That's all for now. Thanks for visiting one of Swift Current's TOP 5 BLOGS!!!

oh yeah...

I hate my neighbour. I have good reason to. Photo evidence on the way.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Monday, April 14, 2008

#16 Avery and Reppin' the 306

Late night blog entries. It's how I roll.

An update...You come here, you swear at the computer when you see nothing new. Some of you even hit re-fresh a few times. Bless your heart.

I'd love to update more, I may get a blackberry after I hand over all my money, my first born and left testicle to the government for income tax (little do they know, Dr. Oostenbrink re-wired me to be unable to re-produce anyway! HA! The jokes on you!)


This is awesome:




I'm not going to wait to and see what the NHL media majority says before I say, "I love this".

I'm sure Ron McLean and Don Cherry will hate it because once again it bastardizes the instigator rule. Usually the hockey media rubes follow suit with whatever opinion CBC and TSN have on a subject.

Whatever.

Sean Avery is doing his job. He is there to agitate. Pavel Datsyuk and Peter Forsberg invented new ways to score on breakaways and penalty shots. Avery invents a new way to agitate while staying within the rules.

At least it was staying within the rules.

The NHL modified it's own rule book to see that the next time Avery does this he gets an unsportsmanlike penalty. What sport implements a rule in the middle of the playoffs?

For the good of the game I suppose it deters the talentless Pee-Wee aged kid from getting all the way to the NHL based on how much of a jack-ass he can be in front of the opposition goalie.

But still...to change a rule in the middle of the playoffs? Professional hockey remains a joke. A bastardized joke of it's former self. Would anyone dare do that to the Detroit red Wings goalie when they had Bob Probert and Joey Kocur in the pre-instigator rule days?

Avery will come up with something else. As sure as a skilled import forward will invent a sick new way to score on a breakaway, Sean Avery will find a new way to 'show up' the instigator rule.

There is only one rule that should be changed on the fly. Until that happens get me a Rangers "AVERY 16" jersey.

Playoff Love

I've decided to put more passion into the Dallas/Anaheim series. I'm not going to commit to either team, but I will go hard for the winner of the series. Anaheim has Travis Moen who is always good to the radio station in the off season and works out at the same gym I do. Dallas has assistant coach Mark Lamb, who is so cool there is a sign outside 'Cadillac, Saskatchewan' proclaiming it as the home of Mark Lamb. Mark Lamb's mom is also the care provider for my kids during the day as my wife and I toil for our respective Man.

"Gramma Willa Lamb" knows her hockey too. Anything smart I ever said on color commentary was from her (I know wise ass, "when did I ever say anything smart?" ha!).

Wow...that post was some shameless name dropping. Sorry, didn't mean for it to come across that way...but it's too late to re-type it.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Goodbye

Today is really the start of spring. People in Swift Current will be treated to the nicest and warmest day of 2008. It's a time for new beginnings.

It's time to take the ice out of the iPlex.

Scoreboard watchers will see the 8-4 score and think the Broncos where routed. Not many will ask or look for the real story of the game or how it played out.

-Calgary has a TONNE of skill and used it in the 1st period. Brock Nixon was unreal this series.

-Swift Current had to kill off a 5 on 3 and didn't. I don't want to be the blogger who questions WHL refs, but the number of 5 on 3 Swift Current had to kill off since the 'Balaberda incident' was staggering. WHL refs represent for their homies. Not saying that was an excuse and not saying Swift Current lost the series because of it.

-The Score was 5-2 after 2.

-Calgary was 42 and 0 when leading after 2 periods. The best shutdown team in the CHL. Swift Current battled back to make the score 5-4.

-Swift took one of those STUPID delay of game penalites for shooting the puck out of play. Calgary scored in the powerply to make it 6-4. A good team buries those chances. Calgary is good.

-Swift pulled the goalie. Calgary scored two empty net goals to make it 8-4. Swift Current refused to give up.

-The Swift Current Broncos got a LOUD standing ovation from their fans.

People will say the Broncos got routed. They didn't. My pathetic low hit blog won't exactly get the word out...but the Broncos deserve some respect.


I loved this Bronco team. All of the players contributed to easily the most memorable season of my commentating career. The highlight reel goals, the unreal saves, Tim Kehler in the postgame show, the way each player would stick up their team, the two extra guests at the postgame meal after game 5 in Regina...

What a season. Thanks to everyone who visited this blog. I enjoyed the comments, I enjoyed meeting you, I enjoyed updating this thing. The blog will continue, the sports content won't. I was out of town for all playoff drafts and my Bruins are not going far. My NHL interest is registering in the negative. I may jump on the Flames bandwagon, but likely won't blog about it. Between CBC and TSN, you won't need me or my thoughts.

And to the fans in Regina that are still reading this and beaking me on other blogs...I love you guys. Keep it coming. My ego is fragile and I love the attention. Sorry I'm not publishing some of the comments. Insult me all the want, just leave the Broncos out of it.

They deserve better...I really don't.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Busy

-The sound of a busy signal is all people get as they call the Bronco office for tickets.

I had a call at 9:26 this morning from my friend Ian.

"Is there another number we can call for tickets".

Nope.

-In the world of automated radio, Bronco hockey games have to be scheduled into our system days in advance. At work on Thursday, the question posed to me was "should we schedule Bronco games for Saturday and Monday?"

"Why the hell wouldn't we?"

-Read Brent Parker's comments in the Leader Post. I think it was yeserday's. You can find it on the LP's webpage or on Rod's blog (still love ya Roddy, even tho you a playa hater). Parker took the City of Moose Jaw to task about building a rink. the word "stupid" was used rather liberally. Good for Parker. Hope it lights a fire under the right asses.

See you at the rink tonite. BELIEVE!!!

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Thursday, April 10, 2008

...for a reason

For a brief moment last night I considered it. As my broadcast partner Jon Keen and I where ripping up Macleod trail in Calgary with Flo Rida blasting from my car stereo courtesy of Vibe 98-5, I felt it. The lure of the big city. The energy, the CAPITALISM! The thoughts went racing through my head. I'm not too old to start over and work my way up. Look at this city!!! THE POSSIBILITES ARE ENDLESS.

I was ready to come home and sit down with my wife and have a talk about our life, our future and what it would take to move "onward and upward". I was thinking about what price Switzer manor should be listed at.

I went to bed all jacked up. I woke up this morning ready to throw open the hotel curtains to the beautiful view of the rockies and take step one in getting in on the Calgary action and kicking this city right in the junk!!! I was ready to make my mark!!! First day of the rest of my life kinda shit.

But alas, no rockies to be seen. Nothing to be seen. Nothing but PURE F'N snow!!!

The hour it took me to get out of Calgary in gridlock gave me time to have a change of heart. A 15cm in three hour snowstorm that just came out of nowhere!?!?!? Hence the title of this entry.

While stuck on the Deerfoot Trail behind a semi truck and trailer that was throwing seven different kinds of crap into my windshield...fate struck again. With my frustration peaking in the red at being unable to LEAVE the damn city I was hurling seven different kinds of invective, punching the passenger seat, losing my brain...when I looked at the car next to me. Not word of a lie, swear on Ethan and Eliza , sitting in the passenger seat of a little blue foor door Ford car...Ronald McDonald. Yes, RONALD Mc F'N full yellow suit, red hair, full face paint and probably wearing floppy shoes DONALD was stuck in traffic next to me.

And he was just as pissed off as I was.

I smiled. I made it home. I accidently found a short cut out of Calgary from where I was. 17th ave to Chestermere. I got on that road by accident. I don't do maps or ask directions. Fate, kharma, whatever you want to call it.

All for a reason.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com
Stuck

A sudden blizzard that started at 5:30am has kept me in Calgary another day. I was planning on driving back to Swifty today, but a sudden snowstorm has backed up traffic. From my South Calgary location all ways of getting back to the number 1 are backed up. The weather is supposed to warm up later so I will be back in Swift Current later today.

I will be missing game 5 tomorrow night at the Saddledome. I committed to MCing the Cypress Hill College annual auction. Hence the need to get back the Swift Current today.

I'm sure Jon will have a Bronco themed update later on his blog. I'll leave the hockey talk to him

I'm going to go give Barlow Trail a try.

BELIEVE!!!

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Hello From Calgary

I'm blogging from the hotel in Calgary's south end. A sweet view of the mountians and Calgary's skyline is seen out the window.

BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of dollars in construction surround you everywhere you go in this city. While Calgary has not reached the super city status of Regina, things are happening here.

When in Calgary it is always fun to hit the Chinook Centre and count people I recognize that used to live in Swift Current. Only two today.

Calgary Flames jerseys everywhere. Not quite as fevered as Rider pride at it's peak, but it is no secret that the Flames are starting a playoff series tonite.

I saw ZERO Hitmen jerseys today. ZERO! Must be nice to have no buzz around town at all and still get 7,500 fans at a game.

I got a few texts from people who said they where listening to Jon and I while watching the Shaw Broadcast. Thanks much. I know it is a bit out of sync, so thanks for making the effort. The Shaw play by play guy seems to have taken a liking to the Broncos. Dan Russell has our back. I'm not offended if you listen to him.

Shout out to the iPlex crew. The city workers take great care of our rink. While we have complained about the ice from time to time, our hockey rink is in good hands, and the ice is among the best in the league more often than not. Last night in the Saddledome, 17 minutes to change a pane of plexi glass. 17! In Swift the last time it happened our crew did in in 8.

I ate Arby's today. Disgusting. I loved it.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Monday, April 07, 2008

New Look

the last two straws that broke the camel's back piled on today.

"Your blog is too dark and it's hard to read" For the 1,037th time.

I also saw how crappy the old layout looked on a older monitor. Now the change to a brighter blogger template.

Me hope you likey.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

So Long Chuck...

Charlton Heston died.

It's true...this past weekend, the legendary actor past away. A true hollywood heavyweight from a time before special effects and 25 million dollar salaries...Charlton Heston is gone...and without so much as a whimper. CNN hardly acknowledged it and MSN's big story is Naomi Campbell having a temper tantrum in an airport.

Barely a wimper from the media. Google Charlton Heston and you'll get a link to maybe a couple stories about his passing. Not being treated as a big deal at all.

It should be a big deal...But it isn't.

To most people reading this and most people in the media, Charlton Heston was the crazy old gun lover in 'Bowling for Columbine'. Heston was also the President of the NRA (National Rifle Association). Most actors support saving animals, whoever the democrats have running and the enviornment. Charlton Heston instead battled for the rights of responsible gun owners (a cause that seems criminal to people in large centres...but noble in less populated parts of North America).

Heston became a victim of Michael Moore. Charlton Heston's last hurrah was being snowed by Michael Moore in his pro gun control film.

Don't get me wrong, Bowling for Columbine was a great film. Charlton Heston loved his guns and Michael Moore had a point to prove. Wrong place, wrong time for Heston.

You won't hear much about Charlton Heston's death in the mainstream media.

The Canadian Media will tell you he died and name drop a few of his movies. Other than that you won't get much. Most Canadian newsies report on what is in front of them and don't really scratch the surface.

The US left wing media won't touch him. They love the tragic deaths of Heath Ledger and Anna Nicole Smith type stories. Plus, Charlton Heston was an actor that probably voted for Bush. He LOVED his guns and Bowling For Columbine pretty much blamed him for every school shooting in the states. MONSTER!!!

The US right wing media won't do much either. They do stories about War and economy. The death of an actor doesn't get attention on Fox news.

Why am I doing a blog entry on a nothing news story? Because I love movies. I love going to the theatre, I love waiting in line for a blockbuster while talking to other movie fans. I love debating the ending of No Country For Old Men, and whether or not Harrison Ford's Blade Runner was a replicant.

Most of all I love big budget movies. Catchphrases, special effects, tear jerking moments...Charlton Heston pioneered the block buster.

Charlton Heston was ahead of his time. Dead at 84. The original movie hero. The original strong leading man. More than just action, he could act as well. Harrison Ford, Will Smith (especially Will Smith!) Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Mark Wahlberg, Hugh Jackman, Nicholas Cage, Brad Pitt, all the alpha male heroes in Hollywood hits owe something to Charlton Heston.

If you have ever enjoyed a movie with any of the above actors...Do something to celebrate the memory of a true legend. They know where they got their inspiration.

In fact...Rent Heston's 'Soylent Green'. A movie made 30+ years ago about the year 2022.

And that movie's plot is happening as we speak. It is eerie. See the future and celebrate the past...

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Sunday, Blogging Sunday

What a Saturday Night!

I wish I could comment on the Broncos/Hitmen game #2 but I missed everything but the Canadian Room pow-wow afterwards. I missed the game to MC a body building event.

CAUTION: SHAMELESS NAME-DROPPING AHEAD!!!

Premier Brad Wall was at the event. Brad and I have volunteered for many events together over the years. Still the same old Brad. I haven't had much chance to talk to Brad since he became premier (understandably; fly to the Grey Cup or hang out with Switzer?).

Premier Wall did have an interesting proposition for me that I will blog about in the future...if it happens. No, no cushy government job offer...but something cool.

The Body building event was a solid production. There where some amazing competitors, and some loud cheering sections. The cafetorium at the Comp has never been louder. We have some "shredded" people in town.

There where a few competitors from Lloydminster. Someone in Lloyd is getting RICH tattooing people. There should've been a tattoo competition between rounds of posing.

SNL Action You May Have Missed

SNL is funny again. Yes, the skits tend to drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on sometimes...but each week SNL does a "Digital Short". A four minute movie or music video.

Andy Samberg is going to be the next SNL guy to go big time Hollywood. he will be the next Adam Sandler and succeed where Jimmy Fallon didn't. Here is last night's digital short:



Awesome use of the legend Christopher Walken. Water Wings !?!?!

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Saturday

Tonite I will miss game two the Broncos/Calgary series. The media circus will have to go without my act...They'll manage.

What a game one. Calgary's captain Karl Alzner is such a treat to watch. If he had could play a full 60 minute game, I don't think the opposition would ever score.

But he can't...and the Broncos have depth. Game 1 to Swift. Calgary WILL be better tonite.

Memo to out of town media: When you say "Speedy Creek" don't say it like you invented it and repeat it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. NOBODY who lives in Swift Current calls it Speedy Creek, and people have been saying it since the 40's. You are not being creative. Chickens crossing roads to get to the other side is about as cutting edge as saying "Speedy Creek".

If you're in the media and reading this...don't be all hypersensitive. I'm trying to help you. If I was doing something annoying on air, I would hope you would do the same for me.

Tim Tisdale gets the call for color analysis on The Eagle. It's like having a backup goalie that is better than your starter...

Jon Keen has been doing the best play by play work of his career. He knows the league inside and out. Taking NOTHING AWAY from the Shaw crew...fans should make an effort to check out The Eagle's audio. Keener and Tisdale are as good a major junior hockey broadcast crew as you'll ever get to hear.

I'm NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TV COVERAGE. Don't be a hyper-sensitive media type who thinks I'm stirring the pot. The TV exposure is great for our city and the skilled Bronco players who don't get as much recognition as the Giants/Hitmen of the world.

I will be the tuxedo clad MC for the Saskatchewan Amateur Bodybuilding Association Fitness and Figure Classic in Swift Current. If you thought the name of the event is huge, you should see the competitors.

What a sport! Bodybuilding. 5 months of TOTALLY altering your lifestyle for two minutes of judging. People will put their two minutes on display tonite at the Comp school.

Premier Wall is a CONFIRMED guest for the event. Camcorders will be rolling Brad...watch what you say.

If things wrap up in time at the Comp...I will HAUL ASS to the i-Plex for the post game Bronco round table in the Canadian room. Then I will HAUL ASS to the Shack to put in an appearance for the bodybuilding after party. I will then HAUL ASS home to my wife who goes without a husband for most of March and April every year.

I still get nervous speaking in front of a crowd. Time to prepare for a busy night.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Friday, April 04, 2008

Wassup?

David Lee Roth. Because it was Corey who got it, you get a beer next time I see you!

Sorry to those of you who check back daily and have got ZERO updates from me. There is life between hockey and it includes a VERY busy spring time. The updates will be few and far between over the next few days...Unless something REALLY fires me up.

Yes, I know I said the same thing before the Regina series :)

Keener has the Broncos covered like a blanket. On the radio and on jonkeen.blogspot.com.

...and because he doesn't like me anymore and I want to build a bridge...Rod has a GREAT Brian Burke post. The opinionated GM of the Ducks was in Regina speaking at a banquet. rodpedersen.com (not just saying it's great to pump sunshine either).

Much Love.

Go Broncos!

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Switzervations

If you know anyone who works out at The Training Zone in swift Current, forward them this blog address...More on that shortly.

Give me a bottle of anything and a glazed donut...to go! I will give you money if you can tell me where that is from. Classic. Seriously, if you approach me on the street, I will give you a dollar...or buy you a coffee.

It's quiet...too quiet...The media babble leading in to the Calgary/Swift Current series. It was the same way going into round 1.

I would love to bless you with my insight into this matchup between The City that Makes Sense and the Western Center of the Universe. All I can say is the Broncos and Pats was like an F-15 versus a Tank. Speed versus Power. Four skilled lines versus "Punish". The Broncos where able to retreat to the clouds before their next strike...Calgary will follow them into the clouds. No shifts off this series. Regina allowed Swift to come from behind in 5 of the six games. Will Calgary be as lenient?

Okay, if you are a supplement popping, Jean Claude Van-Shit stain In Your Gotch from Lifting too Much Weight-Damme, strut around the weight room showing off your pecs and arms with your ipod cranked, Lou Ferrigno in 1978 grunting like Monica ****in' Seles gym God...that's fine. More power too you and good for you for looking jacked. I'm truly jealous of you. AT LEAST HAVE THE GODDAM COURTESY TO PUT YOUR 400 LBS OF PLATES AWAY AFTER YOUR 100 SHIT-MILLION REPS!!! Do so, so the mother of three squeezing in a late night workout between putting her kids to bed and satisfying her lazy-ass sweaty bad breathed husband doesn't have to. To the Jack Off at the Training Zone who bolted after using damn near every machine in the place and not putting his weights away...Don't worry...I got it. I'm sure you had to hurry home to watch the Wrestlemania rewind and download John Cena's theme music on itunes.

Chivalry is dead.

Speaking of Body Building, I will be MCing the Saskatchewan Amateur Body Building Association event this weekend at the comp. Competitors that HAVE THE DECENCY TO PUT THEIR DAMN WEIGHTS AWAY!!!

I will be missing game 2 of the playoffs between Calgary in Swift Current for the event. I will be taking in games 3, 4 and 5 in Calgary. I will be taking my own car and not the company vehicle. Mench Fraid.

KIDDING! Seriously Hon, I'm kidding.

MLB Baseball. My team? Bo Sox. Not just because I watched Fever Pitch with my wife. I cheer for the Bruins and Celtics too. Patriots...not so much. Plus, I cheer for any nemesis of the Yanks. Sorry and DT Jensen and David Michaud. Did you know A-Rod is making more than the Florida Marlins? A-Rod=28 million a year...Marlins=21.5 million payroll this year.

I've heard Mitchell Blair makes more than the three Swift Current radio station's combined...Can anyone verify?

I must commend Swift Current hockey fans for the total non beaking of Regina in any way. After that series I think there is a new respect between all involved parties. An amazing series. Had Regina won, I don't think any beaks would've come our way either. It was cool to make friends with Regina hockey fans (and from my perspective, other media, thanks again to everyone I shook hands with including Lee Jones, Gareth the camera guy and Kelly Remple). There was some trash talking during the series, but I like to think everyone left with a mutual respect. A 5 star series will do that.

After The Tigers eliminated Swift Current and fans in The Hat lobbed more hillbilly jokes than I can count towards us in 03, 05 and 06, I would like to ask the Med Hat Tiger supporters how they like NOT watching hockey in April?

The up and down cycles in junior hockey are a b***h aren't they?

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com
Chin Up

Somewhat cryptic message ahead. Not exactly mass appeal stuff

The WHL 1st round series against the Regina Pats was emotional and a learning experience for a lot of people...on ice and off.

For broadcasters it was a lesson in dealing with fans from other teams. A lesson in dealing with negative heat.

Everytime I checked out a certain blog, someone was ripping me for something. My pal Zoo even got his feet wet. Jon took some heat and handled it the best out of all of us. We all know how much fun Bronco fans had with Rod Pedersen.

To all broadcasters who aspire to successful, I give you the words of a very wise broadcaster. This was told to me after I got pissed off at some heat I was taking online.

"You once told me you would love the publicity I get, well the negative comments are part of it."


Just a reminder: You're no one unless someone is ripping on you. Take comfort in it.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com