Tuesday, February 27, 2007

In my opinionation, I'd hit that!
Oscars

Yeah, a post about the Oscars, a dollar short and a day late in terms of relevance. Some things I took from the Oscar broadcast.

-Was the show produced by Vince McMahon? I say that because all the presenters had really long entrances. From the wings of the stage to the microphone they had about a 30 yard walk. Why did the stage have to be that big? The days of the entire cast of a movie crowding on stage are obviously passe. Instead of cutting down on the time of acceptance speeches, why not cut entrance times for presenters. We don't need to see them walking in their fancy dresses. Entertainment Tonight is for that!!!

-Did anyone else notice Peter O'Toole almost die when he didn't get the best actor Oscar? If you taped it, watch again when Forrest Whitaker was announced. The brief look on O'Toole's face broke my heart. Pete ain't gonna get another shot. All he got at the oscars was to be a punchline for both Ellen and Jack Black. Sad end to a great career. Oscars need to be like picking three stars. Sometimes you go with your heart and ignore the stat sheet.

-Is it wrong that the best looking woman there was 61 year old Helen Mirren? Honestly tell me you didn't think she looked hot? Girls, I'm talking to you too.

-The Departed won for best picture and director. You knew Scorsese would win when the presenters turned out to be Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas. I liked Coppola and Spielberg ripping on Lucas for never winning an oscar. Ol' George knows he could piss in a can, call it Jedi Juice and make a billion dollars off it...he ain't sweating an oscar or lack thereof.

-See the Departed! I haven't had so much fun watching a movie since Kill Bill and Sin City. More twists and turns than Trent Zoolander in a sobreity test, awesome cast, 5 star acting and a great story. Jack Nicholson could be in a movie where he does nothing but facial expressions and he'd kick ass!

-Is it wrong that the 2nd best looking woman there was Diane Keaton? Am I wrong? Should I talk to a professional about my old lady crushes?

-When they showed all the actors/directors/composers/producers who have died in the last year, WHERE WAS ANNA NICOLE SMITH!?!?!?!?! Hello!!! NAKED GUN 2 1/2!!!

-Birkhead is that baby's Dad by the way.

-J-Lo fans, I hope you enjoyed seeing her at the oscars cause you won't see her in many movies. She's getting too old for the Maid in Manhatten type love stories and isn't old enough for mature roles yet. She'll disappear from the big screen for a few years and come back in an Oscar worthy role as someone's mom. Once you're over 35 and female in Hollywood the TV/movie roles disappear. I offer you these names as proof. All over the place and suddenly gone: Catherine Zeta Jones? Minnie Driver? Lara Flynn Boyle? Rachel Weisz? Winona Ryder?

On the contrary, I would say Uma Thurmon. That dumbass "Super ex-girlfriend" movie may have killed her career for the time being though. Good movie until she THREW A SHARK at the guy!!!
Broncos and PA tonite. I hope the 'win agains't PA' well hasn't run dry.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I've created a Monster and Chick Music

Yesterday was the day of the big X-Box 360 purchase. The deed was done, the machine easily connected to the TV and we're off on an electronic thrill ride of magic!

The Swift Current Wal-Mart has a crappy selection of games. For Ethan (the male 6 year old member of the next generation of me) I purchased a game call "Bionicle Heros". Bionicles are a type of robot with guns and scary masks. They fight against the "Piraxa". A robot faction with guns and scarier masks. They fight on a big island as crappy orchestral music plays. This game is SUB PAR by my gaming standards but Ethan has been unable to put the controller down. What makes this all quite funny is while he plays the game he does play by play of what his character is doing. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess. Today we'll go swimming, or sledding, or build a snow man. Something that is not sitting in front of a TV anyway.

My wife loves her "chick music". Early in our relationship I had to get used to the sounds Chantal Kreviazuk, Jann Arden and Tori Amos on a daily basis. Why do women love to be entertained by things that make them cry? Sad songs, movies where lovable people die, certain episodes of Oprah? I'm happy that Heather's latest musical purchase, while it is still "chick music" is quite uplifting and fun to listen to. To my female readers in search of of new music to get the estrogen pumping, I would suggest Lily Allen . A short CD filled with poppy type songs that Gwen Stefani would sing. The lyrics have more subtance than B-A-N-A-N-A-S though. I enjoy a song about a "pimp and his crack-whore". It's not a comedy album by any means, just good songs. Plus Lily is British. Switz loves girls with british accents. I find listening to a british woman talk quite sexy. REAL british accents though. Nothing hot about a girl from SW Saskatchewan abusing this information about me and talking like a drunken Spice Girl. Madonna can take her fake british accent and kindly STFU. (STFU explanation: shut the .... up)

As far as my taste in music, I'm all over the map. If you want a good old school type metal type song to put on the ipod and hit the gym to, I would suggest "Killers" by Motorhead. Lemmy, the lead singer of Motorhead is a god among men when it comes to metal vocals. He's drank alot of whiskey and smoked alot of stuff to get his voice to where it's at. Something about a guy with a scary voice saying "YOU DIE!" before a kick ass guitar solo that gets the blood pumping.

For women, go with Lily Allen though. For some reason the finer gender doesn't seem to get into Motorhead. Maybe Lemmy should do a duet with James Blunt on Oprah to better appeal to the female audience.

Swift Current Legionnaire hockey is on the air today!!! If the game isn't entertaining, Keen and I will make it sound good anyway!

RS

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Promote Him NOW!!!

Lots of talk in the rink and even in the local paper involving Bronco hockey.

"The guy in charge isn't getting it done, we need to promote the other guy"

"When this guy is doing it, things go better, he should be the man all the time"

"He did great...Make him the full time guy, we could do without the regular guy".

One may think I'm talking about the coaches. Nope. Goaltenders? No, Moir has been bringing it!

I'm talking about PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCERS! I even fanned the flames a few posts down in my thoughts on Gordie Cameron's abilities.

I'm not recanting on my "pro Gordie" stance. He has a great voice and can get the crowd going.

Which is why he shouldn't get the full time gig. Ken Audette does a good enough job. Sure, he should get together with soemone who knows their audio technology and figure out how to use the microphone so he doesn't sound like a worn out drive thru speaker, but he's good enough.

Kenny, don't blame the mic, it worked fine for Gordie.

I think Gordie should be kept to a few games a year. He has a schtick that's great in smaller doses. Don't tell me his "8th anniversary of his 39th birthday" joke wouldn't get old after 40 games a year. Plus, Gordie did have trouble with the names. Don't tell me he could flawlessly get through Kaspars Sauleties (not even CTV Regina has mastered that one).

Keep Gordie as the backup. A "Special Attraction" for certain games. He'll stay fresh that way.

I remember when I was just the afternoon guy in The Eagle. I did the best work of my on air career then. I was just the afternoon guy. Now, I'm the Morning guy/Eagle and Magic Program Director/Bronco color guy/Indians play by play guy/Legionnaires color guy/imaging voice for a couple stations who is at Fine Furniture Oasis for the biggest sale in the history of mankind!!! I love my job, I'm not saying I'm overworked, I just have to admit I'm not the on air ninja I was circa 2002.

My point? If someone is good in small doses, keep them in small doses.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Friday, February 23, 2007

FIRE THE COACH!!! HIRE THIS COACH!!!!

Something I found funny happened today that I have to share with you. Each year in February some salesmen from Moose Jaw Toyota rent out the Palliser Pavillion and sell Toyotas from there for a week. I always broadcast from there doing the "on location" thing (extra cash , wiggas gots to pay dem bills).

The guys form MJ Toyota have a luxury box at Warrior games (well...about as luxury as you can get in the MJ Civic Centre). They watch alot of hockey. One of the salesmen is Harvey Roy (former coach of the Broncos pre-Stan Dunn!) Harvey also was the GM of the Warriors once upon a time.

Fast tracking ahead a bit...Many fans in Swift Current are tired of the Broncos losing and want Chynoweth out of here. Their quick fix? Can Deano, hire the recently gassed Warrior head coach Steve Young! Fans in Swift Current complain that Dean is "emotionless and never talks to his players or encourages them". They also say "The team has quit on Dean!"

I asked the Moose Jaw boys what they thought of Steve Young as a coach.

You'll never guess what they said!

"He just stood on the bench with his arms crossed and never questioned a call or said a word to his players! I think the team gave up on him!"

The same people who want Chynoweth canned think we should bring in a coach who is exactly the same!!! Probably even more quiet!!!

Moral of the story: It's not like good coaches grow on trees. If we fire Deano I doubt the Marc Habscheid dream will come true. Maybe Brent Sutter will leave Red Deer? Do you think winning WHL coaches will want to come to Swift in live in the fishbowl? A place where you can't even go to the grocery store without people beaking you about the powerplay. Some coaches would like the challenge I guess. What about Hunchak you say? Don't worry about Hunchak. He'll get his chance to shine. Hopefully it will be with us. Once again:

The Team is in Good Hands!!!

I hope we kick Brandon's @$$ tonite.

From the comment section:

Hilarious man!I love it. I wanted to say that since I started blogging (The Yellow Horn/Jack Black bit), I check out your site every day. You have what I would call a warped sense of humor...the kinda humor I love. Some people like that humor, others take offense. I think it's great. You have posted some pretty funny stuff man. I like the WHL info you put on here, and the fact you are defending Chynoweth. But I also appreciate the 'life' side the blog.Because of what I've read on this blog, I don't hate you half as much now!!I'm kidding....come on !!!

From Regan Bartel. For those of you who are new to Swift Current, Regan used to be the "Jon Keen" here. He and I left Swift Current arond the same time in 2000. Regan found success in Kelowna as the Rockets play by play guy. I was unable to cope in places that didn't have too many asinine one-way streets and Farmer's markets. I came back in 2002.

Regan will someday do play by play in the NHL. He's better than 1/2 the guys on TV right now. I appreciate him visiting my blog now, cause soon I'll be watching him in the show and I can show my drinking buddies the comment he left here once upon a time.

Seeing as how the Broncos are losing and I don't do "Cool things about Deano" during losing streaks. Now "Cool things about Regan".

He has actual pictures and videos of the Ogopogo, but he only lets his kids watch them. Sure he could sell the footage. Why not? He's Regan Bartel!!!

Cool things about Regan, starring the smoothest play X play guy in the dub, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.


R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Thursday, February 22, 2007


















Are Nacho Libre and The Brocket Rocket the same person?

Tri City Amercan sniper Colton Yellow Horn and Jack Black.

Colton Yellow Horn...he wears...stretchy pants...for fun.

I'm amazed that I found someone who looks more like Jack Black than Trent Zoolander.

I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but this may be the weekend I get an XBox 360. The stars are aligning, the financial timing is right...If I'm not on the radio next week I'm burning holiday time hammering away at the stylish white controller.

I'm going to apologize to Heather now. It takes an army to get me to take time off work for anything. When she reads about me taking days off for X-Box, she'll be p*ssed.

I'm attending a press conference type deal at the college today. I'll be MCing the unveiling of the Cypress Sundogs Basketball team. I enjoy helping out the college in any way I can. This town needs young people. The college has grown alot in the last few years to help keep them here.

After that, I literally hurry home as Heather is on the job tonite at BP's (tip her generously, her loser husband is spending the family savings on video games) and it's just me and the kids. I'm sure something will get broken tonite.

The Broncos are in Brandon tomorrow night. Always the optimist, I predict victory. No insight, no reasoning, I just think they'll win.

I'm going to do another post later on. I need a nap.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Thank You

So I'm over my pity party from yesterday. Thanks for the e-mail. I appreciate EVERY compliment I get and take to heart every criticism. When people you don't know too well send you well wishes because you made a brief post on a blog, it makes one feel special.

I remember what it was like doing radio in Brandon around 2001-2002. We launched a radio station that debuted at #1 in the ratings. #1 by a long shot! We stayed there for a few months and I got REALLY cocky. Everyone at work hated my guts. I was king of the Brandon media with my huge cume numbers (best in the market they were). Suddenly one of our competitors quit playing country and started playing Top 40. We took a huge hit. I took a huge hit. No one listened to us after that. I started doing STUPID stuff on the radio to try to get people interested. Our receptionists at the radio station listened to our competitors. My friends all listened to them. After that, whenever someone says "I heard you do something funny on the radio" or something of that nature, I cherish it. To have you reading this right now is the biggest compliment you can give me. To listen to me talk about "big happy yellow buses" every morning is a debt I can never repay.

There seems to be a growing circle of WHL radio personalities with blogs.


Keener, jonkeen.blogspot.com

Regan Bartel in Kelowna, reganbartel.blogspot.com

Rod in Regina, rodpedersen.com

Andy Kemper in Spoke, afterthewhistle.blogspot.com

David Michaud in Kelowna (color nerd like me). I don't know the address of his site, bit I've seen his blog. Good stuff, if you know the address post it in the comments section.

These guys all do a great job of WHL hockey blogging. I'll share a thought from time to time, but the internet has enough WHL blogs and forums. Don't expect WHL stuff here everyday.

Having said that...

Broncos and Tri City tonite. Go to the rink, drink a beer and be supportive of the team. Dean is the man until he isn't. As fans we need to have his back and not question his "systems". Our team can win and has beaten the best. What happened to the Swift Current crowd that would start a Go Broncos GO chant even with the team down 5-0? Support the team and the guy who coaches it. Let's show the players we appreciate their hard work. Cheer them hard. Give the opposition a hard time, not our boys.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

No real update today.

"Keep your words soft and sweet 'cause someday you may have to eat 'em"

Not in a soft and sweet frame of mind today. Going to sign off now before I type something I regret. There are some bad people in the world. Don't let them ruin your day. If you figure out how to do this let me know.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Sunday Hangover

UGG, pounding headache, tired, depressed. I didn't really tie one on last night, just a feeling of disgust after watching the Bronco game. 7-1 loss. I'm not real good at breaking things down after a loss. I'm sure Jon will have thoughts on his blg later. Lastnight was a lesson to NEVER MISS A POSTGAME SHOW ON THE EAGLE. 99% of homer play by play guys won't ask the tough questions after a loss, Jon WILL GO THERE. He and Hunch had a good verbal tilt. It was all good afterwards, like two heavyweights giving each other a pat on the back after a good scrap.

Thanks to Joel and Big Ern for always leaving comments. Joel, like me is all done with anonymous internet posting on the fourms. I will state again, I have NO problem with anyone who posts their thoughts under an internet "handle". It's just too easy to go off on someone without consequence. The internet is a powerful thing. Opinions can be strong. When you put your real name on something, you certainly think before you post.

Did you know that bosses will often do a google search of potential employees? Is it fair to David Schulz that in ten years when he applies for an office job his employer will find comments about how he has no work ethic? WHL coaches are often targets on the forums. Is it fair that when their kids are old enough to use a search engine, they find people criticizing and demanding their dad be fired? The internet is a powerful thing. We need to use it responsibly.

I think it's off to the aquatic center today for some family swin time. No better way to spend a sunday than watching your six year old son belly flop hard.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Interim 'Voice' of the Broncos

The Broncos win a game full of fights and people want to talk about the public address announcer! DAMN! He must have been good. Best PA announcer we've had since Merv Caven!!! (sorry KJ, couldn't resist the veiled shot at you)

I loved him. What a voice! In radio, if someone has a good voice we say they have 'pipes'. Gordie Cameron, the guy who did the public address announcing, has got SOLID GOLD PIPES. If I had a voice like that I would have a very large house, a hummer in my large heated triple garage, a swimming pool and more money than my wife could spend on a saturday in the Cornwall Center. How appropriate is it that a rodeo announcer do the PA announcing for a team called the Broncos?

I don't think Gordie will be the full time guy, but at least til we lose is prudent.

Didn't last night have a 1988 kind of feel to it? Full rink full of families, lots of noise and energy, a solid Bronco win with lots of powerplays and scoring chances. Kudos to Corey Nyhagen for pulling the Charlie Horse birthday thing together and packing the rink with families. Way to end your tenure on a high Corey. Now move over so we can bring Gourlay back! (kidding!!!)

Three updates today!!! I haven't been able to do anything three times in a day since I was 21! Heather (my wife) is working and the kids are at the sitters as I get ready for the game tonite.

(UPDATE ON BRONCO PARENTS) A Bronco d-man's mom was also a university calibre athlete. Check out an edited post below! Re-read if you already read the 'parent post'.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com


Who's your Daddy!?!?!?!


The Most Genetically Blessed Team in the WHL

On Keen's blog he made a post about how great it is to meet the parents of the Broncos. It was great to attend the parent's social last night. I totally echo Jon's thoughts on how wonderful it is to be a link between players and parents via our broadcasts. Today over brunch Keener and I got talking about how the Broncos may be the most genetically gifted team in the league. This list may be incomplete, I'm not counting aunts or uncles. Check out the athletic Bronco parents (sorry if I spell some names wrong).

Larry Doyle: Former Lethbridge Bronco 72 games 22 goals 20 assists 42 points 175 pims his last year in the dub (78)

Kathy Doyle: Played for the Mighty U of Manitoba Bison volleyball team.

Darrel Rumsey: Not totally sure but legend says one of the best high school/university basketball players in Manitoba history

Al Larochelle: Former Portland Winterhawk/Saskatoon Blade goalie. 4th round draft pick of the Bruins. Sadly had his career cut short

Kodie Nelson: Former Med Hat Tiger, Saskatoon Blade, Kelowna Wing (???) and Victoria Cougar

Nick Toulmin: Former Canadian Olympic rower!!!

Darrell Moir: Former Calgary kicker! Actually he was a defensive end I believe. Jon told me to say kicker.

Donna Moir: Played basketball for U of Calgary.

Bob Molle: Former Olympic Wrestling silver medalist (pictued above!). Also a former lineman for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Still looks BAD ASS!!!

Did I miss any?

I know many parents read our blogs. I must commend you on the fine job you all did raising your boys. This year more than any other, the Broncos are filled with good quality kids with character and manners. They are always pleasant to fans (even the fans that aren't that pleasant to them!!!) I always do player interviews after the games and the guys are ALWAYS courteous to me.

It was a please to meet you. Don't be strangers.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com
Saturday Morning Quickie

Bigger update later on, for now....


Cool Things about Deano

His first NHL fight was against Dave Brown...(Brown's #'s from 1982 to 1995: 729 games 45 goals 52 assists 97 points 1789 PIMS

Brown would have been about a six year man at that point and tough as they come in the prime of his career. Dean was 18 and just had his Dad hand him the mem cup a few months earlier. Go right for the biggest dog in the yard, atta boy Deano!!!


Cool things about Deano, starring the WHL's toughest GM, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

I think Grant Toulmin can relate to Dean's situation! The Bronco sophmore got entangled with the dubs top PIM man last night. It looked like "Tooly" did alright.
R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Voice of Reason Against the Howling Mob


CONTENT REMOVED...SORRY

Sometimes I don't think about the feelings of others when I type.


Levi, takin the Heat!!!

Levi Nelson has been off his game. One of the reasons Jon Keen and myself are one of the best commentary teams out there (OH YES WE ARE!!!) is because we can balance each other. When Jon goes off on the two ref system, I can reel him in. When I start calling Medicine Hat fans "Jack asses" Jon is the professional anchor. The only time we've both gone off the deep end at the same time is the Jeff Glass incident.

Jon had a post about Levi Nelson on his blog (link is to your right). He got plenty of comments from people who agree, and Ern who disagrees. Read his Levi post before reading mine if you haven't already. Also visit whlfans.ca and see the Bronco interent community make Levi into David Schulz 2K7.

Now Jon travels with the team, spends time with the coaches and talks to the players. He's in the locker room and is the only person in the league fit to criticize any Bronco on ice issues other than the coaches. Jon's cred on Bronco issues is 10x what mine is.

What I'm about to say is it's unfair for the Bronco internet community/media to collectively sh*t on Levi.

The Broncos are on a losing streak. Someone has to do something. Hockey seems to be a game of 'how teams respond to sparks and adversity'. Levi seems to be the only player thinking outside the box and trying to add to his game (although Leavold always tries to ignite something). Sure, Levi trying to be Claude Lemieux is hurting his offensive game. He hasn't learned how to score and be a pest at the same time. Right now he's Kenny Linsemen without the upside. He's 18 and he's developing. Show me one other player who has expanded their role in this losing streak. Who else has tried to up their game to the point Levi has? People say Levi is a chicken sh*t who doesn't fight. How many times did Dorsett fight Tidball? Did Hollweg ever go with Trojovsky? Kenny Linsmen and Dave Semenko dropped the gloves how many times?

Do we need Levi scoring goals more than chirping? Of course.

Should we haterize on him for trying to add a dimension to his game? I don't think so.

Should the coaches take him aside and help him? For sure, if they haven't already.

Many consider Derek Dorsett the league's top pest. You forget he was in the SJHL til he was 18. Playing for Hunchak no less. Do you think Dorse got that way overnight? Hell no. Who watches the SJ? Are they streaming on the net? No one saw him take stupid penalites as a learning experience en route to his storied WHL career.

Highest Bronco draft choice ever was Tyler Wright. How many scraps do you remember him causing? Broncos had to have THREE heavyweights on the 93 team for pete's sake. (Brown, Bilodeau and Perkins).

Let's not be too hard on our 18 year old leading scorer.

Random Switzer Blog Fact

I don't use spell check. I type, I publish, end of story.

See you at the rink tomorrow night.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day

The Med Hat Connection sent me a magazine article from Men's Health. "8 Ways to Become Irresistable to Women". Because I care for my fellow man and people actually read this sh*t and take it serious, let's break it down before a brother gets hurt.



1. Plan a big trip you've been putting off. A man who is about to go on a trip or just getting back is hot. While you're gone, girls will realize how much they don't miss you. Nice move! If you're going to take a trip, it is key you come home with good stories. Merely returning with an ugly Hawaiian shirt and saying "si", "aloha" and "por favor" all the time only makes you look pretentious. While on vacation it is KEY you do something that makes for a good story you can tell friends back home. Actually, don't feel as though you have to tell the whole story. "Some people I met and I found this crazy club where we...you know what, nevermind". Drop stuff like that and you look like a myserious rebel. Some real Johnny Depp sh*t.




2. Get a $100.00 haircut. The guys I know that hook up with the most girls don't even comb their hair. A $100 hair cut looks great until you shower the next morning and can never get it looking that good again again. This is a good move to boost the confidence though. If you're going to do it, get the haircut Saturday afternoon before a saturday night out. Otherwise you're just wasting money, and if you have that much extra cash, send it to me instead.


3. Browse organic markets. Chicks dig guys who hate pesticides. "Chicks" don't really care for wimps who pretend to hate pesticides and have no game or confidence to be themselves. If you really hate pesticides, join green peace or some enviornmental group or attend a Liberal rally.



4. Become a regular at someplace plush. It will impress a date when you finally get one! Not a bad move. Can't argue this one. When people know you're name when you're on a date that does work. It makes you look like a big deal.


5. Renovate a room. Ask a hot interior decorator her opinion, and your golden! Yeah right. You'll end up with a fruity looking room. If a girl sees that she'll think: a) you have a girlfriend. b)You're not interestted in girls and denying your inner Elton John. Tidy up your appartment and hide your collection of Todd McFarlane toys. That's all!


6. Throw a big bash. Hire a D.J., caterer, bartender, invite everyone you know. Expensive, but it can't hurt! Sure then all the girls can hook up with your friends while you're busy organizing your overblown party, refreshing the chip bowl and telling the DJ to lay off the AC/DC. Great "wing man" move. Dumb if you want to meet someone yourself.



7. Read Gabriel Marquez novels in public. Who?

Read Penthouse in public. You'll look like a badass with a high sex drive.



8. Donate your time or money. Women dig guys who are concerned about their fellow man! No, women want to go shopping with sissies like this so they can have a helpless schmuck carry around their La Senza bags while they text message real men for a booty call. Donate to charity because you believe in the charity, not to get impress a girl. People who dontate to a charity to get a date are charity cases who should get a donation of a pair of testicles.

My thoughts. I know I have many female readers. Am I full of it? Am I right?

I'm very flattered so many people remembered my birthday. Thanks for all the e-mails and calls. I truly feel blessed today. Thank you.


R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Monday, February 12, 2007

Switzer-vations

Rob-servations, Rod-servations, Switzer-vations? Damn right!

-Thanks for the comments Aasa. When a talented writer reads my blog, I'm flattered. Feel free to send some writing tips my way. I'm new at this.

-My birthday is Wednesday and I've asked for NOTHING from ANYONE. How about tickets to the Vagina Monolouges? It's art it's local. Can't go wrong.

-Blogaholic Big Ern failed his driver's test. Ern, for next time: Wear your nicest clothes. If the Bronco pants and the Nelson jersey are as good as it gets, time to invest in some "number ones" as Dean says. A good set of dress clothes pays for itself in the long run. If you don't have a nice car, borrow one for the test. SGI people will want to keep older beaten down cars off the road. If your car isn't in good shape, that's two strikes against you (you may drive a Cadillac Escalade with a DVD player, I don't know...just saying). Make sure you can drive the one you borrow should you go that route. Don't get rattled about flunking the 1st time. Don't wear a hat. Comb your hair, put gel in it, not too much though. I lost 29 points the 1st time I took my test. I might as well killed someone while I was at it. I aced it the next time. Learn from your mistakes.

-I'm hearing rumours of a job opening in the Bronco marketing department. If this is true MEMO TO DEAN: As a favor to me, your loyal servant in the media how about a phone call to Brad Gourlay? Dude had his sh*t TOGETHER!. He may say no, he may laugh at you and hang up...all I ask is a call. MEMO TO GOURLAY: I know you read this blog, you can't tell me Deano wouldn't be way cooler to work with than who you find yourself working under now.

-Don't slam people anonymously on the internet. If you want your comments to have ANY credibility put your name to it. No one plays "knock, knock runaway" anymore because anonymous interent slamming has replaced it as the cowards game of choice. I honestly don't get alot of junk like that. If you don't like something, if you put your name to it I'll take it seriously and even try to change for you. I LIVE TO PLEASE!!!

-If you have a blog, don't respond to anonymous internet slander. Take any criticism as constructive and move on. Don't feed the humanoids.

-Thanks to KJ and DD for the "birthday card". Also thanks for keeping Medicine Hat radio safe to listen to during your timeslots.

-Shout out to James Gallo in Moose Jaw. I think you should try to sound more Italian during your Warrior broadcasts. Really embrace that side of you. Tell Gourlay to apply in Swift Current. Dude had his sh*t together!

-My favorite thing to do on a day off is to listen to other morning shows. Chance Duperreault on the Eagle is a gem. He and Keen really work well together. Off the air and in person he has every reason in the world to be cocky, yet he isn't. Nicest guy in radio. Tomorrow, I'm going to forget to give him back the Three Days Grace CD I borrowed a month ago. Sorry bro.

-Keen has a good read on his blog about Sidney Crosby.

-If you use Trimspa, you better buy LOTS of it in the next few weeks. When your primary spokes person mysteriously dies at 39 with a fridge full of the stuff it's not really a glowing endorsement of the product. Let's see what Anna Nicole will be remembered for...

Having a train wreck of a personal life

Her work as a naked person

Being a spokesperson for Trimspa

Dieing

-I've met people on Trimspa. The energy it gives people can really make then annoying. I'd rather hang out with someone chubby and down to earth than skinny and annoying.

-Valentine's Day is here Wednesday. I've given ROCK SOLID ADVICE on starting relationships in past posts. Check the archives. You need not spend the day alone.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Broncos Win!!!

Swift beat PA 3-2 last night in "Hockey Town North". I listened to the game off and on (I refuse to watch the crappy WHL video feel and listen to other team's homer announcers. I like our homer just fine). Some things I gathered from listening to the game.

-Spencer McAvoy did well in a fight he would've been expected to lose.

-Remember in 2004 when we were pinning our Bronco hopes and dreams on a 16 year old prospect named Kyle Bortis? Sounds like he lived up to his "next big thing" billing last night.

-Have we won a game in the last three years and NOT had a goalie in the three stars? Sounds like Moir did play great but it's encouraging that we won wihtout Moir or Yonks having to make 45 saves. Good team effort.

-For a more detailed recap including "which player got an extra steak sandwich?" check out Keener (http://jonkeen.blogspot.com)

-I hope we play PA in the playoffs.

The Streak is over the cool things are back...

Cool things about Dean Chynoweth time. Being a head coach and GM is tough and Dean takes his fair share of criticism. Being a glass half full kind of guy and a big believer in Dean from day 1, time for the return of cool things about Deano....

In the last 12 years Dean has lived in New York, Boston, Calgary, Seattle and Swift Current...Look at the places he lived and then moved to Swift! Dude fit right in from day one and understood the small market mentality right away. He will routinely have open forums where you can yell at him for losing Karl Benke and our powerplay (which scored two goals lastnight)

Cool things about Deano, starring Dean Chynoweth (who has a thick full head of hair compared to his balding brother) written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

BTW, Broncos are 1-0 when Anna Nicole Smith is not living (too soon?)

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Friday, February 09, 2007

Finally Friday!!!

Friday is my favorite day of the week. Casual day at work means getting dressed in half the time in the morning. The afternoon nap isn't as urgent. Friday night with the kids is all about fun and no school work.

Christine Ciona was the guest on the morning show today discussing the Vagina Monologues. I led into the interview with the line "It's great that Saskatchewan's Capital is getting the recognition it deserves. A play about the legislature and the history of our provincial capital, Christine, tell us about the Regina monologues". And with that we were off. Thanks Mick Jagger for the inspiration for that five star fromage interview intro. I guess the monologues are near sold out for the opening night and they've added a second performance. Christine has promised me a "Vagina Warrior" touque.

Broncos play tonite in PA. More on that tomorrow. I can't go from the estrogen driven monologues to Bronco hockey in one post.

Til tomorrow...

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Shout outs and the VAGEEN!!!...

The e-mails have been coming in fast and furious. That doesn't mean I don't want anymore. If you've ever thought about leaving a comment or sending an e-mail please do.

Shout out to Kari-Ann in Winkler, MB! I call Kari-Ann the Southern Manitoba equivalent of me. We're both the program directors for two radio stations in cities of just under 20,000 people. We're alot alike except Kari-Ann is female, has seen more of the world, is smarter, more pleasant to deal with, more creative, taller, talented, better organized and has more than a grade 12 education....

Okay, so we're not that alike after all.

The Zooman, Trent Zoolander keeps readin' the blog and sending the e-mails. If Zoo and I ever took a roadtrip together it would be like the movie "Tommy Boy". Zoo the Chris Farley to my David Spade.

Oh-Vee and Joel, fellow die hard Bronco fans, I appreciate hearing from you. Oh-Vee lives in Kamloops now but sure made his short stay in Swift Current memorable. Unlike Kevin B, Dean Chynoweth and now Dave Hunchak, Oh-Vee would always give me a ride home on a cold day. BTW, Thanks Hunch! Nice tail lights.

T-Harris in Cranbrook. You make sure Jeff Chynoweth reads "Cool Things about Deano, episode 1, subject: Papa Ed will always love Dean more than Jeff."

Jack of all trades, Master of none....

Here's my broadcasting schedule for tomorrow and the weekend. On the morning show Friday, Magic will have guests in to discuss the upcoming "Vagina Monologues". Saturday off, Sunday night Bronco game. Please show me another color commentator in any level of hockey that can credibly talk about "Vagina Monologues" and "Umbrella Powerplay formations" in the same weekend! Do Pierre McGuire and Harry Neale have the skills to keep up an on air conversation about "Vagina Monologues". HELL NO!

Mind you, when it comes to hockey, I'm not Pierre or Harry.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com
Where did the day go?

No post yesterday. One of those days where I got home between 1 and 2pm and had a nap. Next thing you know it's 7:30pm! Yikes! Fear not blogaholics, an update coming this afternoon. Thanks for the comments and e-mails.

To tide you over, a quote form Rocky Balboa:

"It ain't about how hard you hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Ten Years of Twenties and MAIL!!!

" I find Ryan Switzers blog to be very Vick Venom" muahahah. Take that as you will, but by far the best read on the internet. Your Swift Current story is what the Youth Summit in Saskatoon was all about that I attended. Very inspirational.

From the charasmatic Trent Zoolander. Bonus points for the old school wrestling reference. If my life were a movie, Trent would be the wacky friend/supporting actor played by Jack Black who steals every scene he's in.

Anyone who knows you knows your blog is BS. What's with the KJ lovefest?

A reference to my last post where I stated Kim Johnston always does a good morning show and is a great public address announcer at hockey games. For the record, now that Kim and I are no longer working in the same building for the same company in the same area code, we get along great. I didn't always like the guy, but one can't deny he works hard and does a good radio show. Is my blogging cred restored?




Skillz

Bronco skills competition was fun. Keener has a good recap at jonkeen.blogspot.com. I enjoy any chance I get to work with the coaches and players of the Broncos. It's tough to see them losing and being criticed by fans when they are such good people. Dave Hunchak would make a great drinking buddy. Trainer Paul Ayotte always seems to be surrounded by a good time depite his quiet nature. It was fun comparing facial hair to Jeremy Schenderling. When a kid 10 years younger than me can grow a better stash, I'm in trouble in that department. Good group of kids.

Ten Years of Twenties comes to an end...

February 14th is not just a romantic commercialized holiday where you'll be wined and dined by your old man at a fancy restaurant only to not give up the goods because he flirted too much with the waitress with a nose ring. This Feb. 14 will be my 30th birthday. People who know me know that I'm having issues with turning 30. I think it's because the 20's here so good to me. To my younger readers in their early 20's, here are some things you have to look forward to in what will likely be the biggest decade of learning in your life.

In my 20's I...

moved into an appartment with a girlfriend

moved into a house with a girlfriend

drank to the point of throwing up for the 1st time

played truth or dare with people I just met

took over a radio timeslot from a legend. Realized it was a bad idea.

saw someone I love get really sick

saw someone I love die

attended two funerals in the same summer. A childhood friend my age, and my mothers.

Spoke at a funeral. A radio show has been easy since then

got engaged to a girlfriend

called off the wedding

moved in with another girlfriend

got engaged to a girlfriend

got married in a giant mall overlooking a dolphin tank

got married again two weeks later on a beach

went to strippers and drank prairie fire the night before my wedding (not my idea Hez)

felt MY baby kick

was scared my son wouldn't make it the night he was born

realized how strong my wife was

realized how weak I could be

realized how strong I could be

held my son. While doing so was mad the nurses were listening to a competitor's radio station. Stupid Brandon nurses don't know good radio.

realized I take radio quite seriously

went to a snow mobile poker derby

para-sailed

gained 60 pounds

lost 30 of it

go into 30 in the best shape of my life

inherited a house

sold the house

moved away

moved back, wished I hadn't sold the house

had a daughter, delivered by the same doctor who delivered me

had a child look at me, smile and say Da Da

had a child say "Daddy I love you"

had a child say "Daddy I don't like you anymore"

have seen KISS, Aerosmith, Elton John 2 times, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, Tom Jones, Jann Arden, Chantal Kreviazuk, The Hip, The Rock vs. Stone Cold, all live.

have only seen my best friends simultaneously at a funeral for another friend

thought about ending my life

haven't thought about it since

have brought down the house with a few well placed jokes

have bombed

have been to wedding where I knew the couple wouldn't last

was at a wedding where I knew they would

partied at an 11 million dollar house

walked my son to his 1st day of school

learned that hard work pays off

learned that arrogance can kill a career

went to Hawaii

went to a real luau

paid 15 american dollars for a stupid picture with a bird

went to Puerto Vallarta twice

swam in an ocean, realized the guy next to me was peeing

went to New York

was on Maury Povich

drove in a big city for the 1st time

realized I belong in Swift Current

did play by play for a Swift Current Indians championship game

did hockey commentary from the Ed Whalen Saddledome broadcast area

had drinks with just the mayor and CEO of a large company. Boy was I in over my head!!!

realized my wife deserves better

hope she doesn't realize that

made new friends

lost touch with old ones

became management

lost more friends


I really don't think the 30's can top that. The worst days have been the best learning experience. Enjoy your 20's. I promise to enjoy my 30's!

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Monday, February 05, 2007

The Radio Review

By request; thoughts on radio in South Saskatchewan and Medicine Hat. It's important to note that radio people all have different ideas of what good radio is. I've worked for many different program directors, all of whom give different direction in an on air critique. As I previously stated I'm leaving Swift Current out. All of the on air talent I work with is doing well at what they choose to do well at. Those who want to entertain are entertaining, those who want to inform are informative and those who want to keep it simple are sounding polished. I'm not going to rip on anyone, I'll just state who I like. If you're not on the list, don't cry, I'm sure your mom loves listening to you. I likely just haven't heard you in awhile.

Let's go east and make our way west.

Regina

CC, Lorie and Buzz Z99: "When you stay in one place long enough, you become that place" A quote from "Rocky Balboa" that applies to CC. He IS Z99. He has good chemistry with Lorie and these two have stood the test of time. Not my favorite to listen to, but one has to respect the show they pull off everyday. As radio people go CC is about as un-technically sound (is that a real term?) as you can get, but he's entertaining. The three of them work well together. I'd love to see how much is off the cuff and how much is pre-planned.

Chris and Ballsy, the Wolf: Now these guys obviously fly by the seat of their pants every show. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's just two guys BSing. Whether intentional or not Ballsy has done a good job of becoming a guy people love to hate. Chris plays off this well. They've also moved into the youtube fad. They post clips of the ongoing abuse of their stunt boy. I'm not going to say whether or not this is good radio, I'll let you decide:
The stunt boy is in the control room blindfolded and about to be attacked by hot girls with pillows. They bombard him with pillows to the upper body and groin and all is in good fun when suddenly some local wrestler comes in and knocks the stuntboy out with a cookie sheet to the back... WTF!?!?!

Imagine the thinking behind that premeditated attack...

"Steel chair...too cliche, baseball bat...too messy...I know, Grandma's cookie sheet!!!"

Say the police pressed charges...Felonious assault with a baking accessory?

I thought the whole thing was kind of silly, but The Wolf really seems to be doing well in the ratings. Would I use my morning show to further the career of a wrestler maybe 1 out of 100 people in my audience are familair with? Is this 1999 and wrestling is still cool? Who am I to argue with success though? These guys do really well.

Hurricane, the Wolf. Great on air personality. Never miss the chance to hear him when I'm in Regina. He makes boring things like weather interesting. Young radio people should listen to him.

Moose Jaw

There are two personalities in Moose Jaw whom I enjoy. Cole Bellefeuille and Rustie Dean. Cole is young by radio morning guy standards and holds his own against the big guns from Regina. Naturally funny guy, very creative and full of ideas. There aren't many smart people in our industry. Cole is.

As far as Rustie, I enjoy listening to her because she is very young and still bright eyed and excited about the business as I was when I was her age. She has alot more talent than I did when I was that old. She'll do very well in the business.

Craig Hemingway has done well in the CHAB morning slot. He's got a good "nice guy" vibe to him and is a good alternative to the "in your face" Regina style.

Med Hat

Dustin Dion. Not just because he suggested I do this post. He's fun to listen to on air. Lots of radio people put callers on the air, few do it well. Dustion has a great interactive show with lots of people contributing. He can make his listeners the star of his show.

KJ. Former Eagle morning guy now in the Hat. Haven't listened to him much since he went. I know he's doing a good job because he's never done a bad morning show. Some people have good days on air, some have bad, some have excellent and some have pure rubbish. Kim is always good. Day in and day out he'll never "mail it in" as we say. The one thing he is AMAZING at is being a public address announcer at hockey games. People with the Tigers should dump the guy they have now and give KJ the gig. Has a great voice for a hockey rink. Let him do music too. Just don't let him near any Harlequin albums (INNOCENCE after every hometeam penalty did get a little redundant!!!)

Hope you enjoyed the radio ramblings. For non radio people who read this, I'll be back tomorrow with a more mass-appeal subject. Thanks for bearing with me.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Re-enabled!!!

Is it re-enabled or reenabled? Whatever. Comments are back up. The person responsible for me removing them in the 1st place has since apologized. Comments are back as is a little faith in the human race.

Gotta thank George Bowditch for the plug in the Prairie Post. George gave me some props for the work I did hosting the Field of Dreams Sports Dinner. It's a real treat when someone you enjoy reading writes nice things about you.

As I said eariler, radio thoughts coming up in a future post. I've decided not to comment on any Swift Current personalities. Given my position at the station it would be irresponsible of me to evaluate the Swift Current on air talent through a blog. To the on air staff in Swift that reads the blog, if you want an evaluation of your show, my office is the place for that, not here. You know my door is open whenever you like, not just when I ask you.

More tomorrow. See you at the Bronco skills competition! 6:30 at the CC.

R$

ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Lack of Testosterone and the best movie I've seen all year!!!

Switzer, you dumb ****, you can't let women behind the curtain like that. Your article on how a woman can land a man was way too long. The whole article could have been summed up with the following:

"Ladies, if you want to land a man, give more **** **** and **** ** *** ***."

Not that long winded hunk of **** you posted on your blog, you ******* *****.

P.S. Has your wife checked you out to see if you have anything more than a little fleshy patch where your ***** used to be.


E-mailed to me by the man known only as Mole. Here's my problem. On my TV there is nothing other than Grey's Anatomy, Dora the Explorer, Spongebob and home decorating shows. My only link to NFL Football, NHL hockey and all things testosterone is my friend Jon Keen. He goes out of town for a Bronco road trip and so does every bit of my "Alpha Maleness".

I'm on the radio station that plays James Blunt for eff sakes! Of course I may lack manliness from time to time!

Speaking of Keen, he lives to inform! He's on the road with the Broncos but still finds the time to update his blog. Broncoholics check out jonkeen.blogspot.com. LOVE IT LOUD!!!



Thank you Sylvester Stallone!

Went and saw "Rocky Balboa" last night. To my readers in bigger cities, yes it has already come and gone where you are. In Swift it's a new release at the Cinema Twin. I loved the original Rocky through to Rocky 4. We should all just pretend Rocky 5 never happened and cherish the memories of 1 to 4 which is what the new "Rocky Balboa" did. The Rocky character has come full circle since the 70's. Rocky is a retired fighter who owns a restaurant. His beloved Adrian has passed away. Rocky keeps a lawn chair at the cemetary where she is buried and visits her daily. Paulie is still free-loading off Rocky. Rocky's son is a twenty-something executive, living in his father's shadow and resenting him for it. His friends only like him cause of his famous dad. He was only hired for his job because of his bloodlines. His @$$hole boss is a huge Rocky fan. This subplot leads to a classic Rocky monologue worth the price of admission. Rocky's opponent in this move is current heavyweight champ Mason 'The Line' Dixon. He isn't a huge part of the movie. He's the heavyweight champ almost by default as the boxing world can't throw a good contender at him and the fans resent him for that. He hears of Rocky Balboa coming out of retirement and his scumbag managers see $$$ and arrange the fight. While Rocky movies have always had a classic opponent like a flamboyant champ, a 6'6 russian or Mr. T, this isn't so much about Rocky vs. Dixon but Rocky and his other struggles. The bout at the end between Rocky and Dixon is a Rocky classic though.

Plus, Rocky is a big sweetheart. He turns the lives of down trodden people around, and gives them jobs at his restaurant. Your girlfriend may even like the show.

Super Ads

The Superbowl is tomorrow. The 2.6 million dollar commercials look to be some of the best ever. This ad won't be part of the Superbowl but is still a classic
  • Click this and enjoy



  • E-mail me

    Thanks to Med Hat radio superstar Dustin Dion for the e-mail. He has suggested a "radio review" of sorts. The best radio people in our area coming up soon. . I am the program director of Swift Current's FM, I'll be talking about my people, I will have a Swift Current bias. Just so you know. Radio is a small world and I really never know if I'll be out of a job, so I'm not going to rip on anyone. Can't burn bridges in the industry.

    It's been emotional

    R$

    ryanswitzer@hotmail.com

    Friday, February 02, 2007

    No Man? No Problem!

    A few weeks ago this blog had tips on attracting women. Many dudes read it, many dudes tried it (Don't tell me it didn't work either). I know of at least one of you that has landed a smokin' hot girlfriend since I made that post.

    You're welcome!

    Being raised single parent by my mother taught me gender equality. Now some tips for love lorn women on how to meet studly men. Most women already know some good tricks. Girls can pick up guys waaaaaay easier than guys can pick up girls. Some of this you'll already know, feel free to add these to your manhunting tricks.

    Places to meet men.

    Somewhere that sells technical junk. We love our ipods, razrs, laptops and gadgets. The electronic isle at Staples is an example of a good place to check out. It's not just geeks anymore who have cool gizmos. Spot a guy you like and ask him how to work an ipod or which laptop is the best or something like that. You'll make him feel smart, and he WON'T tell you to get lost (if he does he's a jerk who you wouldn't want to waste time with anyway).

    Weight room of a gym There's always more dudes than girls in the weight room. Find someone you're interested in, and ask him for advice on what types of exercises you should do. Because we all think we're experts on fitness we'll be happy to help you out. Again, you'll have us the palm of your hand while we think we're helping out a naive girl.


    A Sports Bar Swift doesn't really have a full fledged sports bar. BP's lounge after a Bronco game or during a big televised sports event (Superbowl, Grey Cup) is probably your best bet. Most women are there with their husbands so you won't have much competition. Don't give me the excuse that it's all just drunks with jerseys and painted faces either. Lots of guys with well paying jobs will be there too. They'll be at a window seat wearing golf shirts and drinking guiness or some sh!t like that.


    Join a co-ed team
    You likely have a friend that plays some kind of rec sport. A co-ed volleyball or slo-pitch team would be a really fun atmosphere to get to know someone. If you're not a good athlete ask this question before you join a team; Are you guys competitive? If the answer is yes, DO NOT JOIN FOR THE SAKE OF MEETING SOMEONE. You will only be ridiculed and looked down on by people who take rec league sports VERY seriously. Some people do, I used to be one of them. Make sure you join a team who's primary interest is having fun and drinking beer. On the flip side, if you are a kick ass athlete, by all means join the competitive team. You do however run the risk of guys being threatened by you rather than wanting to date you.

    Valentine's Day is coming, you need not spend it alone!

    Broncos are on the road this weekend. Call me crazy but I think the road trip will be good for them. In Brandon tonite, Regina tomorrow. See you at the skills competition Monday night.

    More blogging tomorrow...I just don't know about what yet. Send me e-mail with your thoughts and I'll take it from there. ryanswitzer@hotmail.com.

    R$

    Thursday, February 01, 2007

    Finally a New Post

    Well, in the last two days I've had a normal begin at 4:50am work day at the station, hit the gym, did the Bronco game, did the 4:50am workday thing and then spent the day in Moose Jaw. In a future blog I'll tell you all about the exciting world of being an "imaging voice".

    Advice although you didn't ask for any...

    We are in a time of new year's resolutions. If you're going to change something signifigant about yourself, make sure you're not losing something the special people in your life love about you. Make sense?

    SHOUT OUT TO HORSE! A god among men. When life presents obstacles, I ask myself "What Would Horse do?" Never steered me wrong.

    Thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails about my last post. It was a subject I never talk about or write about, and get emotional thinking about (NO NOT THE MCDONALD'S STUFF!!!).

    I had ALOT of feedback to ryanswitzer@hotmail.com. Taking nothing away from any other messages I've received in the last two days but Joel and Melinda's e-mails really meant alot.

    No Bronco home games this weekend. Lots of blogging on the way. A few days ago I told dudes how to make women talk to you. On Friday some advice for WOMEN LOOKING FOR DUDES!!! For now...a nap!

    R$

    ryanswitzer@hotmail.com