Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Why do You Live Here? Why Do I hate Morgan Spurlock (pictured above)?

I love eating big greasy burgers. Yes I'm on the
  • Lyris Cappelle
  • program and you would think that eating McBurgers and Whoppers is not condusive to losing weight and building muscle. You see, when you're on "the program" you get a "cheat meal" once a week and a "cheat day" on weekends. 9 times out of ten, the cheat meal involves either BK or McDonalds (BK if I'm on my own, Ronnie's if I'm with the family). The problem with Ronnie's is that @$$h0!e Morgan Spurlock. You may remember the "Supersize Me" documentary a few years ago. Basically this health food, tofu eating vegetarian did nothing but eat McDonald's for a month. He said he would survive off the McMenu eating everything McDonalds has at least once in 30 days. Within three days he was barfing up cheeseburgers and eventually showed signs of killing his liver. People swore up and down "I'm never eating McDonalds again!!!"

    His whole documentary was pure hogwash!

    This guy was a vegan going into his McDiet. Of course he's going to throw up after switching to nothing but a meat based diet. It shocks the system! I'm sure if you did nothing but eat cheeseburgers and suddenly just ate steamed veggies for a week your system would be SCREAMING WTF!?!?!?!

    Plus, Spurlock said he'd eat every item on the McDonald's menu. Problem is he had COKE with every meal. No wonder his liver was shot. Last time I check McDonald's had water, milk, apple and orange juice!

    To sum up, due to this popularity of this documentary with sheeple who can't hink for themselves and believe everything they see in a documentary, McDonald's reduced their portions and seldom ask if you wanted things "supersized" or "up-sized". I love McDonalds, the heat has died down from the idiotic documentary. Kindly go back to serving mountainous portions of your product! to the readers of this blog you ever meet Morgan Spurlock kindly knee him in the junk. I'll pay your legal bills.

    Why Are You Still Here?

    I get asked that question alot. Once a week at least. People seem to think that broadcasters get their start in small towns and then naturally move on to big cities after learning some tricks and paying their dues. I don't really think that is the case anymore. Truth to be told, once in awhile my phone will ring. An old co-worker in a bigger market with say "Hey Switz, we have an opening, I've talked to my PD (program director) he's interested, send a demo!"

    I never do.

    Maybe it's the fear of failure. I may move the family to a Calgary or Winnipeg and get my ass kicked in the ratings and be out of a job in six months. I've also learned that no one can do a radio show as good as they can in their home town. I also really enjoy talking about the good ole days of Bronco hockey, Indians baseball, Slider's, Thumper's, The Broken Spoke and Swift Current minor soccer. I don't think those are the only reasons for me staying around though.

    Sure I'll give you the cliche "low cost of living, no crime, great place to raise a family" sales pitch we all know. For me it's more. Here's where I get more personal than I've ever been on air, or even in conversation with most.

    Bev Switzer moved to Swift Current in 1969 to be a teacher at Irwin School. On February 14th 1977, Bev had a baby boy which would go on to have a small market radio career and write the blog post you're reading now. Mom never was married and, to the best of my knowledge, wasn't seeing anyone. She was 28 and wanted a baby, so she had one. How that happened and who else was involved is irrelevant. I had a father figure who took me fishing, taught me how to throw and catch a ball and be a man. However, in my household it was always just Mom and I. We traveled alot, we did alot, we fought alot, we learned alot.

    She died when I was 21. She had just turned 50.

    I was deprived of getting to know her and talking to her as an adult. I knew her as a mother and authroity figure but never really as a person. I don't know what her favorite drink was, favorite book, favortie author, where she wanted to go on vacation. I knew alot about her, but there things I'll never know and questions I'd never even think to ask people who did know her. Lots of people in Swift Current knew her well. I NEVER get tired of people telling me about her. Just this past saturday at the Field of Dreams dinner an old-timer was telling me what a great piano player she was. I love it when I introduce myself to people and their eyes light up and say "Oh, you're Bev's boy! She used to bring you to church and you'd hide under the organ while she played!"

    I know of two families that have lived in Swift Current for a long time who, in the last few months, have just lost someone not much older than my mother was. They can take comfort in experiecing the side of the community that I've seen in the last eight years. Some people are so supportive and they don't even realize it.

    Calgary, Vancouver, Winnipeg and Edmonton may have alot. It will never have people who can complete me the way Speedy Creek people can. This is my home. To me, this is the best city on the planet.

    Anyways, back tomorrow and I promise to try to write something funny. Sorry for getting serious.


    Early Morning Quickie...

    Kevin Federline has been given a rough ride by the media and portrayed as a dirtbag in the tabloids. Everyone loves to hate the guy. Maybe he's a victim of the american media, maybe he is a deadbeat dad, not my call. Watch this ad that will air this weekend during the Superbowl and tell me you don't have just a tiny bit of respect for the guy now.

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  • Bigger update later...

    Rollin' VIP


    Monday, January 29, 2007


    I have disabled two things...

    1. The Comments section of this blog.

    2. My faith in humanity. Explanation: I think celebrities are fair game for being anonymously criticized for what they are famous for. Dean Chynoweth is fair game for criticism involving the Bronco hockey club. Angel Sombruski (who I'm sure is a very nice person, just no Eric Longley in my eyes) is fair game for how she forecasts the weather, and I have no problem with being told my morning show sucks and when it comes to hockey broadcasting I'm nothing more than a poor man's Harry Neale. People in the public eye always have the option to get out of the spotlight. Most choose not to and take the good with the bad. GOING ONLINE AND CRITICISING PEOPLE'S PERSONAL LIVES AND HOW THEY LIVE THEIR LIFE AWAY FROM THE SPOTLIGHT IS BS. As fun as it is to see, I think it is unfair when Britney Spears is criticized for being a bad mom. Tell her that her music stinks and movie sucked, but unless you spend every waking moment evaluating her as a human being and parent, observing how she is one on one with her children, there is no right to criticize. Granted I'll never be able to put an end to internet slander, but I can at least get rid of it in my little corner of the web.

    Enough on that...

    I love to hear from you. I may restore comments, in the meanitme, do what Big Ern and Mole do and e-mail me. ryanswitzer@hotmail.com.

    Colin "Big Game" Powers left a comment before I toasted them. I quote "Not a fan of Manfred, but James Allyn was the balls!".

    Damn right Powers! James Allyn was a former news anchor on CKCK. I'll never forget what he said the day he retired. "Leaving broadcasting is like taking your foot out of a puddle...it will ripple for a second or two and then go back to normal".

    Not in your case James Allyn. In mine yes. I left Swift Current radio for 21 months in 2000-2002. Most people didn't even realize I was gone.

    Take us home Deano

    If the Broncos lose tomorrow, I'm retiring "cool things" til they win again. I'm superstitious that way. For today...

    Chynoweth was wearing a pink dress shirt at the Field of Dreams Banquet. He was still the toughest looking SOB there (including Scott Schultz)

    Cool things about Deano, starring the best dressed GM in the WHL, Dean Chynoweth, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

    It's been emotional



    Saturday, January 27, 2007

    I've always enjoyed that picture. Maybe they should have had an anchor who doesn't look JUST LIKE THE SUSPECT IN THE POLICE SKETCH do that story.

    If you Build it...

    Field of Dreams dinner is tonite. Roughrider Scott Schultz and local golfer Nancy Harvey are the guest speakers. I met Nancy for the first time last summer. I should say, for the first time I could remember. Nancy babysat me when I was a youngster. Another cool thing about being a lifelong Swift Current resident. Nancy is a an LPGA golfer from here in Swift Current. A very nice lady.

    Take us home Deano...

    Cool thing about Dean Chynoweth for today...

    The Broncos have only a handful of Saturdays off every year. Chynoweth is spending his at a local sports fundraiser, The Field of Dreams Sports Dinner, tonite.

    Have you ever see a Bronco coach/GM attend as many functions as Chynoweth has? The hot stoves? He has a PRE-SCHOOL AGED DAUGHTER and he still has put in more appearances in his three years than all other GMs combined! Dean "gets it". I hear your contract may be up at the end of this year. Forgive us Dean! Don't go!

    Cool things about Deano, starring a guy who will buy round after round for anyone lucky enough to be at his table, Dean Chynoweth. Written and produced by Ryan Switzer.



    Thursday, January 25, 2007

    Radio Ga Ga

    What an unoriginal headline. Sorry.

    The WHL season is long. 36 home games, 36 on the road, 21 teams, every game covered by two play by play teams and two radio stations. If you're a fan of WHL hockey you probably have listened to your favorite teams radio show alot. In this day and age of internet technology and Sasktel Max broadcasting radio feeds, we have the ability to listen to any broadcast in the league. Here are some you should listen to.

    Rod Pedersen, Regina. I've covered this already, read my last post to see why.

    Jon Keen, Swift Current. Not just cause I'm on his show. My role is quite small. If the Bronco Big Show was a 12 inch sub, I would merely be a handful of mushrooms. Jon is better at play by play than his four years would indicate. The thing Keener does better than anyone else in the league is features. During the Bronco broadcast, you'll hear more interviews, more local sports coverage and even interviews with player's parents. Almost everyone else just fills time with out of town scoreboards. You should visit Jon's blog and congratulate him for being nominated for an RTNDA Award. It's a radio news honor someone in Swift Current has never been nominated for. He got recognized for his Bronco bus crash 20th anniversary special. Nobody puts more effort into 72 games than Keener. He'll never just mail it in.

    Cam Moon, Red Deer. I believe he is the only play by play guy to have actually played in the WHL. A former goalie for PA, Med Hat and Saskatoon, "Mooner" calls a great game and has one of the more animated personalities in the league. Off the radio a true class act and a fun guy to talk to.

    Les Lazurak, Saskatoon. No real pizzazz or flare, Les can be a homer but is one of the more objective guys in the league. Will take more time than most to learn about the team the Blades are playing instead of just Saskatoon. Great knowledge of the league. Not afraid to rant.

    Regan Bartel, Kelowna. Regarded by many as the best in the league. It's interesting to hear him call a losing season in Kelowna. He still keeps it professional. Has the best voice in the league. Sounds like an NHL guy, maybe will be in the near future. We worked together in Swift Current at CKSW. He thought he was better than me. He was.

    Brad Curle, Calgary. The former voice of the Hurricanes moved to Calgary last year. His name is usually thrown around with Regan's when it comes to "best in the league" discussions. Calgary is becoming "Toronto West" in terms of the centre of the universe mentality. Brad is fully aware of the league around him, and will never "big league" us small town types.

    James Gallo, Moose Jaw. Consider him a play by play prospect. This is his first year doing the gig. He can't call a game as good as the guys above him on the list. Not yet. We works with former WHL play by play legend Rob Carnie in Moose Jaw. James will get really good, really fast. At times he can be a little over the top in his support of the Warriors. James studies the league and has notes on every player. You could ask him about any player in the league and he'd probably know something about them.

    And the lifetime acheivement award goes too....

    Bob Ridley, Medicine Hat. The only play by play voice ever in the Tigers, "Rids" has been there for more than 30 years and he even drives the team bus. He loves his Tigers, he know little about the opposition. When doing play by play he won't call oppostion players by name, just "The Broncos". He is old school. In Medicine Hat he is a legend.

    I was going to do a worst of, but I don't want to turn my blog into a place to take shots. I'm not saying that if a play by play team is not on this then they suck...these are just the best of the best.

    How about a Boost?

    I don't mind the Southwest Booster. I like reading Steven Mah. I talk to him often and he is someone who really wants to succeed in the media. He wants his readers to like him. So many of us TV, radio and paper types think just because someone gave us a job we should share our god given talent with the world, spout off our own thoughts and opinions and watch the world bask in our genius. Mah is not one of those people. He is learning and he's learning fast. His work next week will be better than what he did this week.

    Plus, the Booster does not have 40 and plum. I can usually get through a paragraph of Judy Thiese before I want to jam an icepick through my nostril and out my eye socket. I somehow doubt I'll be able to better relate when I myself am 40 and plum. Something about a newspaper column with the words "Geezer" and "Jeez" several times per article that rubs me the wrong way.

    George Bowditch kicks ass though. Maybe it's just that he's usually several pages after 'Critter Tales' and '40 and Plum' and looks good by comparison. I really enjoy his stuff.

    Take us home Deano!

    First off I would like to thank whlfans.ca posters Dynamitekid, Offsider and all the other Dean Chynoweth nay-sayers for not making any posts titled "Bye Bye Dean", "Fire Chynoweth", "Promote Hunchak NOW!" or "Bring back Benke!!!" I know it must have been tough after that 7-2 loss to hold back. Maybe Benke would have been the guy to step up. With no more a-do time for another "Cool Thing about Deano":

    The SOB has TWO Memorial Cup rings that he probably lost somewhere in a move from Providence to Boston. And he loses ZERO sleep about it!

    This has been "Cool Things about Deano, starring the smuggest, coolest man in the WHL Dean Chynoweth, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

    Let's hope for a big weekend. See you tomorrow at the Indians Field of Dreams Dinner.



    Thanks Roddy!

    The above picture was taken from Rod Pedersen's blog (rodpedersen.com). If you only know Jon Keen and myself by our voices he is front and center in the blue shirt and that's me in the green. We are in the Bronco broadcast booth and it seems I need to recycle the growing number of water bottles (I drink about three per game). For those of you not familiar with the WHL play by play scene, Rod is the voice of the Regina Pats. He also does Rider games in the summer and fall and can be seen on "The Score" alot during football season.

    I enjoy talking to Rod everytime the Broncos and Pats get together. Most WHL play by play guys only want to talk to other WHL play by play guys and could really give a sh*t about the free loading media room sandwich eating color guys like me. Rod is very friendly, not to mention able to hold a conversation about subjects other than hockey. In WHL circles, his name often envokes some sort of emotional response. Of the 21 play by play guys in the league, Rod Pedersen will be one of maybe 5 or 6 that will be remembered 20 years from now. In Swift Current, a small group of fans often gather under his booth and give him a "you suck" chat. To me, that is a huge indication that he doesn't. I would LOVE it if when I go to Medicine Hat, a group of fans gathered under the booth and chanted my name, good bad or otherwise. Rod is considered by many to be a "Homer". A term when applied to radio people that is used to describe someone who takes advantage of the non-visual medium of radio to distort the truth to make his team sound better than they are. Someone who acts as a cheerleader for their team on the air. Guess what hockey fans...EVERY HOME TEAM BROADCASTER IN SPORTS IS A HOMER! They travel with the team, they eat meals with the team, they stay in hotels with the team and are broadcasting to the teams fans back home! Of couse they're going to be a little biased. Peter Maher, who does play by play for the Calgary Flames, made a friggin catchphrase out of screaming "YAH BABY" when the Flames advanced to the Stanley Cup in 04. There's some real objective and balanced coverage. Maher is one of the most respected play by play men in Canadian sport. For some reason Rod Pedersen takes more heat than anyone else in the league for his homerism. My theory as to why; because his signal blasts right into Moose Jaw. Regina's arch nemesis. Moose Jaw is the Keith Gretzky to Regina's Wayne. The other sibling, jealous and inferior when compared to the flashier, richer and more successful older brother. No other two rival teams are close enough to get the signal of their biggest adversary as clear as 620am into Moose Jaw. The "anti-Rod" rants are ALWAYS started by Moose Jaw fans. If the voice of the Medicine Hat Tigers, Bob Ridley, was blasted full wattage into Lethbridge, you bet some Hurricane fans would be ticked at the Tiger propaganda. If the Lethbridge play by play guy, who sometimes will outright lie about what is happening on the ice, was sent full speed and in stereo to the Hat...it could get ugly. You heard it first on Lethbridge radio, Dwight King held his own against Matt Kassian and landed the biggest punch of the fight. (homer translation: Dwight King got one shot in while Matt Kassian pummeled, rag dolled and dropped him)

    My point is Rod does his job very well. When compared to other "homers" in the league, Rod is no worse than anyone. Play by play is hard to do. Most WHL guys can't even call a good hockey game. Rod can call a great hockey game and easily transistion to football a day later.

    This post is getting long. Tomorrow, props to the WHL play by play guys who deserve it. I'll drop some names of guys you should listen to during the course of a season.
    Manfred Joehnck is not Allowed to Retire

    Each day I watch CTV news from Regina. Not because I care about the latest crime committed on Halifax Street or because I want to see Pat Fiacco brag about how great Regina is, but because it is the rare chance to see one of the last great TV people at work. Manfred F'n Joehnck. TV news used to be all about credible people looking straight into the camera after briefly glancing at their paper script and delivering you the news without shaking, blinking, tripping over their words and without their script (which someone else wrote) looking right back at them in big bold letters. They'd tell you news stories with emotion yet objectivity. At the end of a newscast they'd engage in INTELLIGENT banter before signing off. In interviews they would LISTEN TO THE GUEST and not just read pre-written questions off a recipe card. I'm not sure what happened, but it has totally become style over substance. We once had Johnny Sandison tell us the weather with warmth, sincerity and honesty. Now we have someone who is quite attractive, yet void of personality. And news anchor Tara Robinson? I actually don't mind Tara. She has paid her dues, put in alot of public appearances and when it comes to reading the news she's quite good at it. Is she in the same league as Manfred. Not now, but maybe someday. I just hope that in ten years they don't broom her in favor of a pretty young 20 something airhead TV school grad. Then we have the sports guy that can't even pronounce a name of a Regina Pat? Kaspars 'SAUL it ees' became Kaspars 'Saul-ee-I-tis'. I think we can call "Sauleitis" a disease that causes brutal sports casters to mispronounce the sh*t out of everyone's name! Either we should find a cure for Sauleitis or demand Dale Issac be brought out of retirement.

    Watch CTV news at noon if for no other reason than to see Manfred and his dialogue with Tara and Angel at the end of every newscast. They try to keep up with him in an ad-libbed chat everyday. Even on the simplest of issues it looks like Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan discussing acting with Anthony Hopkins. Keep up the good work Manny. Tara and Angel, just try to keep up.

    From this day forth, I dub thee Manfred "GOTT-DAMN!" Joehnck

    Four consonants in his name in a ROW and the man didn't make him change it!



    Wednesday, January 24, 2007

    I Ain't Recapping That!!!

    Not a good effort tonite by the Broncos. I'll spare you the recap of a 7-2 loss.

    A few weeks ago, one of my whlfans.ca alter egos "Drunk Gerald" joked that the Broncos should have went after tough guy Myles Stoesz at the trade deadline. Stoesz, now with Regina, scored two goals tonite against a Bronco team that could have used some toughness. What was a joke ended up being somewhat prophetic I guess.

    I'll have a post tomorrow. Shout out to Rod Pedersen. The bus ride home must be more fun this time than the last trip home from Swifty.

    Get Noticed, Reader Response and more Deano!

    Thanks to everyone who e-mailed or left comments.

    Dave, I'm not sure of the whereabouts of Drunk Gerald. Rest assured he is somewhere keeping Chris Mantyka stories alive and wishing we traded for a tough guy. He'll be back, just not at whlfans.ca where he was banned.

    Dustin, Give the drinking game a try...I'll give you a ride home after. If you need your car towed I know someone.

    Boots, thanks for the comment. http://bootyblog.blogspot.com. Ten hours in a car with Nyhagen! How did you manage?

    Joel and Big Ern thanks for adding my blog to your daily blog reading and posting routine.

    Too shy to talk to girls, no problem

    This has been mostly a hockey blog for the last few days. Time for a break. People think of me as an outgoing person who is bold, to the point and not afraid of any social situation. WRONG. When I was single (I'm now married with two kids) I was scared sh*tless to talk to women. I could not approach a female. If I saw a women on fire next to a fire extinguisher I'd be too shy to interrupt her for fear she'd tell me to get lost. Being the genius that I am I developed ways to get women to talk to me. Trust me, you do NOT have to be good looking for these to work. This knowledge is useless to me now. I pass it on to you, the loyal reader of my little place on the web. This will not get you guaranteed action, this will not have women scribbling their number on your arm, this will merely make them initiate conversation...the rest is up to you.

    1) Make an entrance. Whenever you walk into a room occupied by other people, enter with the mindset that EVERYONE will be happy to see you. Don't be frowning or looking tough. Have your chin up, shoulders back, chest out (not so that you look like something is shoved in your rectum, but enough to look confident). Think of it this way: sports teams, rock stars, performers, moviestars, action heros all have good entrances. So should you.

    2) Talk to women you know. When women you've never met see you talking to other women, it rules out that you're a creep and gets them thinking you must be cool. After making your entrance, seek out any female co-workers, buddy's girlfriends or any female you're comfortable saying "hello" to. If you don't know any, ask a waitress some sort of question (directions, what time it is, where's the men's room, where's the 7-11) to show the room you're comfortable and experienced talking to women.

    3) Separate from the wolf pack. People you don't know won't talk to you when you're surrounded by your drinking buddies. Use the men's room, go buy a round, go play with the jukebox, but don't be afraid to stray away from your group. You have to for the next step to work.

    Now this is where you have to trust me. I may lose some of you here....

    4) Be wearing something completely unconventional. Here's the mistake most dudes make when they try to pick up girls; they dress like every other guy in the bar, do their hair like every other guy in the bar and try to look better than every other guy in the bar. No matter how handsome or well built you are, one maybe two of the girls will find you attractive. Women find different things attractive. While one girl may want a Brad Pitt pretty boy, another may want a rigger with arms full of tattoos. You will NEVER be the best looking guy in the bar but you can be the most INTERESTING. Things that I've seen work in the past include: a mismatched pair of cowboy boots, aviator sunglasses, a shirt/tie combo in a casual atmosphere (Shack BP's), an Iron Maiden shirt in a preppy nightclub and even hair combed over 1950's style.

    If you are sporting a look that in some way is a little out of the ordinary, eventually someone female will ask you "Hey, why don't your cowboy boots match?"

    All you need after that is a good answer. Go ahead, laugh at me, call me insane! Don't knock it til you try it. Happy hunting!

    Take us home Deano

    People need to give Dean Chynoweth the benefit of the doubt. He's made believers out of many, but still has his nay-sayers. I for one believe he may be the best thing to ever happen to the Swift Current Bronco franchise. We'll see that soon enough. Another "Cool Thing about Deano" you ask???

    Your wife/girlfriend/sister/mother all think he's hot. They may deny it to you, but they dig him. Surf the net, hit every WHL website, find a better looking GM in the league. You won't. His nose is nothing more a chunk of carteledge bluntly protruding from this face, yet women love him.

    This has been "Cool Things about Deano" starring Dean Chynoweth who is the best looking executive in the WHL, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

    And before you start spreading rumours, I ain't gay. I merely have the ability to read body language and notice every women Dean has ever talked to, ordered a sandwich from or said hello to has totally dug him.

    Recap of Broncos/Pats later on...maybe tomorrow, we'll see.

    A Hockey Song...

    Today Warren Zevon would have been 60 years old. When Paul Schaffer took holidays from his Letterman duties, Zevon would fill in as band leader. Warren Zevon was also a one hit wonder famous for his song "Werewolves of London". A lesser known Zevon song is "Hit Somebody", a tune I consider the best hockey song ever (that's right, even better than Stompin' Tom). Zevon died in 2003 from lung cancer. He had a phobia of doctors that caught up to him.

    Legend says this song was recorded just before a Letterman taping as Zevon was warming up the band. They winged it. The only knock on this song is the length. Just over 5 minutes. Gather 'round the hockey fans in your office and take a listen. Stick with it to last verse, it's worth it. You'll also hear the voice of David Letterman contribute to the chorus. Copy and paste this into your address bar (just let it load, don't hit the pink "click here to play" bar. The song will play on it's own:


    A song by an American, recorded in New York that references Big Beaver Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Flames, Canucks, Rocket Richard and freezing the back yard! Doesn't get any better.

    More later...


    Tuesday, January 23, 2007

    There's today's cool thing about Deano! That's a left! Dean had 13 career concussions. 13! He's still the smartest guy in the league.
    Make your next Bronco game the best ever....

    Thanks for the e-mail Joel. Can't wait for Extreme Pita to set up shop!

    I update most days around 2pm. Read Keen in the morning and by the time work really starts to drag on and you need an afternoon break hit this site up.

    We have Beer! We have Beer..What the hell do we do with it???

    God bless Brad Gourlay's black heart for the sale of beer in the stands at Bronco games! We have beer, we have coolers we....still have a quiet rink and the crowds haven't got much younger??? It's time to make use of the libations the pretty girls at the Civic Center sell us by sections Q and H. I bring to you The Swift Current Bronco Drinking Game!!!!

    Print this out, take it to the rink, hell even add your own rules. Follow this and you will

    a) Make things lively in the rink, cheer harder and give the players a rush of adrenaline because of the loud crowd.
    b) Support the Broncos through beer money
    c) Enjoy the game on many more levels
    d) Become more attractive to the opposite sex (maybe not, but we'll address that later).

    Here we go:

    Take a drink when:

    Mike Wilson pinches/joins the rush/carries the puck behind the opposition net.

    Myles Rumsey blocks a shot

    Paul Postma gets a powerplay shot on goal

    Paul Postma has a shot blocked

    RJ Larochelle blocks a shot

    Kyle Bortis draws a penalty

    Zack Smith wins a faceoff

    Matt Tassone is on the ice

    Levi Nelson takes a penalty

    Geordie Wudrick has a scoring chance

    Phil Gervais finishes a check

    Brady Leovold has someone shove him/take a swing at him during/after the play.

    Spencer McAvoy stickhandles past someone

    Dale Weise throws a hit that shakes the glass

    Daniel Rakos gets a penalty

    Any Bronco gets a shot on goal

    The luxury box horn goes off

    Glove save by a Bronco goalie

    Schenderling has a scoring chance.

    Bronco goalie makes 5 saves without a goal

    A country song plays during a stoppage

    Note: Now if Dale Weise throws a big hit and the horn goes off, you drink two…combinations count.

    Take Two drinks if

    Yonkman loses his goal stick

    Any d-man scores

    For every rookie/AP in the starting lineup

    When any coach talks to the ref/linesmen (have fun when Brandon or Red Deer is in town)

    Myles Rumsey or RJ limp off the ice after blocking shots (have a toast to the boys, it's the least you can do)

    Zack Smith drops the gloves

    Brady Leovold has a breakaway.

    Levi Nelson/Kyle Bortis/J Schenderling/D. Stieler/B Leavold/Dale Weise get a point

    Postma/Claffey/Doyle get a powerplay point.

    Bronco goalie makes 10 saves without a goal

    Ryan Molle has a shift as a forward

    Spencer McAvoy plays defense or point on the powerplay

    Three Drinks…

    If Red Deer is in town they take two penalties in a row

    Rookie or AP powerplay goal

    A Bronco player scores his 2nd of the game. Three drinks for every goal thereafter.

    Bronco goaltending change

    Daniel Rakos gets a powerplay point

    If the Zamboni driver is wearing a ratty old bunny hug

    Any d-man fights.

    Gervais/Wudrick/Tassone/Toulmin get a point. If Gervais gets a goal from Tassone and Toulmin, 9 drinks!!! Do the math.

    Bronco goalie makes 15 saves without a goal.

    You hear a fan complain about loudness of music, Charlie’s drum/luxury box horn/Big Ern

    Kyle Moir takes one off the mask.

    Any open ice hit where a player goes down hard

    The scoreclock operator somehow screws up

    A goal or penalty is announced more than a minute after it happened

    Broncos surrender a shorthanded goal

    Charlie Horse misses the crowd with the t-shirt gun and the shirt doesn’t leave the ice surface.

    Broncos kill off a 5 on 3.

    Ryan Molle/Grant Toulmin are on the powerplay

    CHUG IF…

    Broncos score on a 5 on 3

    Rakos gets a point 5 on 5

    An opposition player gets a game/gross misconduct

    A former Bronco gets a point against us (Hengen for Moose Jaw, etc...)

    Opposition is held scoreless through 2 periods

    Broncos tie the game after being down more than two goals

    Broncos score within a minute of the start of a period

    Broncos score three goals a period

    25 saves without a goal by a Bronco goalie

    RJ/Rumsey/Molle get a point

    Bronco shorthanded goal

    Stieler/Rakos drop the gloves

    Oppostion bench minor

    You can hear/read Dean’s lips and he says to the official “That’s a horse sh*t call!”

    Any affiliate player (Dowling, Eakin, Greyeyes, etc)gets a point

    Ken Audette (PA announcer) screws up.

    Goaltender assist.

    Broncos get a three goal lead…chug for every goal thereafter. We should have done this for the 9-0 game.

    You should probably plan to take the next day off work...

    Next Blog....

    Some guys have the god given ability to approach any girl they like and strike up a conversation that could lead to just about anything. I am not one of those people. Tomorrow's blog: Sure fire tips to make women talk to you first. If you're shy and can't make the first move, salvation is on the way. Follow a few easy steps and girls will be all up in your space as early as the next time you leave the house. Understand, this will not get you into any form of relationship, physical or otherwise, it will just get women to talk to you...You have to take it from there.



    Monday, January 22, 2007

    Across the Boards and Healthy Eating....

    If you would like to e-mail me with comments and questions about the blog hit up ryanswitzer@hotmail.com.

    ***I've changed the "comments" settings. Now anyone can comment. Go easy on me...or don't, I can take it.***

    Nice to hear from Big Ern. EVERY Bronco fan should have your attitude.

    Thanks for the plug Keener. www.jonkeen.blogspot.com

    Across the Boards...

    I love WHL message boards. Some posts are hilarious. It's great that just anyone can have a voice and get a published opinion readable to the world. The internet has given everyone a voice and by-god we will use it to complain or praise our favorite junior hockey teams. I used to post on message boards all the time. I didn't like the anonimity of the whole thing and was left feeling like a chicken sometimes. Hence the blog with my name, my opinions and my e-mail if you want to tell me I suck. Here is the best of the message boards. I'm not going to say which forum or which posters these come from. These are not all my opinions, just things I found entertaining, thought provoking or offensive.

    “The Blazers Jerseys suck,. They look like the logo is for a propane company”

    “Wow, what a gutless play Nelson did on Kohn, A deliberate attempt to injure. I smell a suspension on this, knee on knee. This has to be one of the dirtiest plays I have saw in a while. I thought Nelson was better than that, but I guess not.”

    “The Broncos go down again to a division rival with zero fights. Soft like butter AGAIN. Backbone made of jelly. They better get it going or it's going a be an early exit again.”

    “According to sportsnet.ca, Patrick Roy is facing assault charges for attacking the owner of Chicoutimi after some fans were blocking the bus. Yet another example of what a stand up guy he is.”

    “maybe he mistook the owner for his wife!”

    “Calgary 3-0 over P.A. and two of the game stars are from the home team P.A.? This looks stinky to me. What's up here was the mayor picking the 3 stars???”

    “My vote for under achiever is eagles Trent zoolander. The guy seems to have a love affair going with section J. They seem to get at least 2 prizes every game. He always stays on the north side and rarely crosses over to the south end. I MISS TRINA!”

    “quit complaining about everything under the sun. What's next the peanut guy, beer girls,? Cry me a river -"your section seems to get the pizza box race a lot" You know what, I'm going to personally buy you pizza Sunday night. I don't know where you sit but I'll look for the guy with the biggest mouth on the south side of the stands.”

    “Don't anyone DARE hammer the Zooman! He's a great guy, and hold on everybody. If I talk to him before the game, I can get the prizes basically to whoever I want...LOL LOL. Next game, south side will get the majority....that's a promise, OK everybody? PROMISE!”

    “The bank account is getting thin and Deans product on the ice is not good enought to fill the rink and make it past the first round .”

    “I can tell you that I'm one of those "fans at the rink," every game, and as a matter of fact, I sit right behind the ebnch and have a very good view of what Dean does. And I certainly DO NOT agree with you on this issue.”

    “Whatever happens at the end of the season we are in a good spot - as long as they both don't leave. With the departure of some players playing for the name on the back Dean/Dave's team will be exciting. I would just like to see Dave get his chance and Dean concentrate on the GM spot & finances.”

    “But i think you guys should fire the coach and get ready for the SJHL .”

    “As far as Dean getting fired, not gonna happen. Hunchak does need to be given a chance, I agree, but it won't happen this year and Dean does know talent so in my opinion should stay, at least in the GM position.”

    “I have to agree with all comments about Rakos lately. The guy has done nothing but float and fall down and take stupid penalties lately putting us short handed quite often. He needs to sit in the stands more, maybe he'll smarten up.”

    “Maybe Rakos could sit in your section. It might increase the chances of the pizza guy coming around.”

    Say what you will about Zoo, but you can't deny he rocks the pimp coat. He's a great guy. Women think Jack Black is sexy. Trent Zoo looks like Jack Black, ergo Zoo=Sexy. Nice guy too. He loves kittens.

    It looks like Dean Chynoweth is taking some heat again. Time for another "Cool things about Deano".

    When walking home from work one day, someone drove by and yelled "You Suck Switzer!" at me. I looked up. It was Chynoweth. Didn't offer me a ride either.

    This has been "Cool Things about Deano" Starring the most bad ass carefree GM in the WHL Dean Chynoweth, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

    Every other GM in the league goes out of their way to kiss local media's a$$. Not our boy!

    Hey Tubby, are you allergic to carrots?

    At this point last year I was 205 lbs of beer gut and ZERO muscle. Am I Mr. Olympia now? Hell no. I met Lyris Cappelle (www.lyriscappelle.com). I signed up for one of her "programs". She gave me a diet and exercise map. I got in shape. If you want to get slim, buffed, ripped visit her website and get in touch. She knows her stuff. People often ask me what kind of diet I'm on. Without really getting into the nuts and bolts and giving away Lyris product for free, here is what I'll eat the average day.

    4:30am-Out of bed to a bowl of Cottage Cheese and Special K

    7:30am-During the 7:30 news-Protein Shake and an apple

    10:30am-Chicken Breast and rice

    1:30pm-Salmon and Veggies

    4:30pm - Steak and Rice

    7:30pm - Chicken Breast and Veggies

    10:30pm- Protein Shake.

    Satudays I eat whatever I want which usually includes Poutine from either A & W or BK and some sort of pizza. It took some getting used to. Eating like this while working out got immediate fat losing results.

    Next time on the Blog...

    We have Beer in the stands at Bronco games. We don't know how to have fun with it. Get ready for the Swift Current Bronco Hockey Drinking Game.




    Sunday, January 21, 2007

    Broncos vs. Calgary January 21 recap.

    -"Why did Travis Yonkman not get into the three stars?" Because I suck at picking stars. Duh.

    Hello Bronco fanatics, here is the game recap for the Broncos/Calgary meeting. A classic matchup off Small Town Sask vs. Big City Capitalism, Calgary Tower vs. Billy Buffalo, The French Maid vs. Girls in tight pants and belly shirts dancing with each other at The Shack.

    -I like Ken Audette as the public address announcer. He's good in his own way.

    -PRESENTATION! From the rink crew to the anthem singer to the in-stand announcer does no one in this city own any clothes that one would deem presentable!?!?!?! In-stand announcer is excused. Radio wages.

    -Jeremy Schenderling gets recognized for 300 games in the dub.

    -Broncos are without Schendo (back), Bortis (ankle), Nelson (suspended) and vocal crowd support (old).

    -Whatever happened to the people in section M who yelled "Who let the dogs out?" after every goal? Someone start that up again. Big Ern, I nominate you.

    -Broncos need to work hard and play a tight defensive game.

    -1st shift of the game Calgary Scores. What's plan B? Keegan Dansereau from Dylan Yeo and Dan Mercer. Eric Doyle got beat wide. Not a great start for the kid on home ice. Will he redeem himself??? Read on.

    -The Dale Perry Gameworn jersey of the night is a Brent Twordik Bronco road jersey.

    -Calgary has one of the league's best powerplays and Chris Savage is the ref. As a Bronco fan tell me that doesn't scare the sh!t out of you!

    -Bronco PK looks good. Bronco powerplay doesn't look bad. 1-0 after one.


    Girls gone golfing! Gwen from Pinnacle Sports hits the net. No one else does. Perhaps when RJ is working there this summer she can give him tips on finding the net (kidding! RJ has been solid on D...Glad we didn't lose him to Chilliwack like many thought we would).

    2nd period.

    -Broncos with a chance but Calgary goes the other way and scores. Covington from Figrin and Duval. Broncos had a chance at the other end but couldn't convert. Cue the Journey, Don't Stop Believing!

    -Three minutes later Calgary scores again. This is a gong show. Dansereau from Leblanc. Kyle Moir exits stage left for Travis Yonkman. Will this wake up the Broncos? Will we have to hear a chorus of duck calls from the Calgary fans anymore? 3-0 Hitmen.

    -Phil Gervais is battling hard in the corner. On the radio I called him a "hungry pitbull fighting for a steak, sure the pitbull may not always get the steak, but you'll know you were in a battle". People listening on the radio wish Tim Tisdale was doing color.

    -Our PK has been strong. Calgary's big scorer Ryan White has done nothing more than chirp with Myles Rumsey and rival Peter Mueller for the league's best hockey hair.

    -Bronco powerplay and they score. Rakos from Postma and Claffey. Rakos has played well tonite. Must be getting tired of getting beaked on the internet. Nice five hole shot.


    Shopping cart races pro and con. Bad: Someone may get hurt during this promotion. Good: The Music...Peanut Butter JELLY TIME!!!

    -Some people on whlfans.ca think Dean Chynoweth should be let go and is not doing a good job as coach/GM. Shame on you non-believers. I am a huge fan and supporter of Chynoweth. Get ready for 1st and not last installment of "Cool Things about Deano".
    No matter how good the Kootenay Ice franchise is, no matter how many banners or mem cups, NHL players from their system or how much small market success they have, Ed Chynoweth will always love Deano more than GM of the ice and Dean's brother Jeff!!!
    This has been "Cool things about Deano. Starring the leagues craftiest GM, Dean Chynoweth, written and produced by Ryan Switzer.

    3rd period.

    -Calgary can't score on the PP. WE DO!!! Eric Doyle, unassisted. Carried it in and shot it. Shelf. 3-2 the score.

    -Calgary still can't score on the PP. WE DO AGAIN!!! 1st career goal for Claffey!!! Weise assists. Hey Kelly Kisio, quit starting your backups in the Civic Centre!!! 3-3. We're gonna win. You just know it!

    -Overtime sees lots of pressure. Huge saves by Travis Yonkman including a HUUUUUUGE pad save on Ryan White.

    - Shootout time. Freddie Petterson scores. No one else for Calgary can't beat Yonkman.

    -Swift needed a goal. They put out Wudrick after Leovold and Rakos miss. Wudrick scores!!!

    -Game is on the stick of Zack Smith who ended it!!! Shelf. Crowd goes nuts. Three stars:

    1. Keegan Dansereau 2g
    2. Daniel Rakos, 1g.
    3. Derek Claffey 1g, 1a.

    -Maybe we should have picked Yonkman. You decide which of the three stars to take out for him.

    -Broncos 3/6 on the powerplay, Calgary did not score a powerplay goal and White/Petterson/Dupont where pointless. See ya Wednesday vs. Spokane.

    A Toast to the Lads, Lassies and meat cooked in a sheep's stomach!

    I had the pleasure of attending the annual Robbie Burns Night at the Legion. If you trace my roots back to my Great Grandmother you find some Scottish Heritage although I've never really embraced that side of me. It was a fun evening with highlights including eating Haggis (a scottish treat seasoned with mystery spices made in a sheep stomach), highland dancing, much bag piping and a drunk guy getting thrown out of the building by a couple off duty RCMP officers. It was quite the site to behold. The young Green Braes dancers doing a great job of maintaining their composure while some drunk is loudly calling others names using every Andrew Dice Clay word he can think of. It takes a special kind of @$$-Hole to act like that in front of children.

    While that was a small part of the entertainment, that is certainly not what the evening should be remembered for. The organizers did a great job with different displays, many different types of Scotch available served by a guy who would recommend just what kind of Scotch would provide you with the least suffering. The Green Braes Pipes and Drums Band is a local treasure that goes quite unnoticed. And then, the Haggis. The Haggis had its own blessing and was "piped in". The cooks brought out the Haggis to a chorus of Bagpipes (or maybe it was just one piper, one set of bagpipes often sonds like many). I ate some Haggis. It wasn't that bad. I judged a chilli contest for the Cypress College a few weeks ago. The Haggis was easier to eat than some of the chilli. I think it's the word "Haggis" that scares people away. Ronald McDonald should embrace his Scottish hertitage. Put McHaggis on the menu.

    I had a job to do while I was there. I toasted the lassies. I sucked. I can talk on the radio all day and never bat an eyelash or lose composure. Public speaking makes me nervous. It might be a self esteem issue, I don't know. I lose all confidence when people can see me. At least the drunk guy broke the ice.

    Next blog...I answer the question I get asked the most: how I lost 30 pounds in a month? Plus, I love WHL message boards. I used to post on whl message boards. This blog will have "across the boards". WHL forum highlights.

    I'm Ryan and this is my blog. Check back here a couple times a week for updates on things happening around Swift Current, fun stuff in my life and Bronco thoughts. This is not a Bronco Blog with inside news and breaking trade info. The best place to find that is www.jonkeen.blogspot.com. There are lots of WHL media nerds who have set up blogs. Not saying that Jon is a nerd, just most WHL media types are. Keen's blog is hands down the best of any WHL related internet page you'll see.

    I am the morning host on Magic 97 and the color commentator for Bronco hockey on The Eagle 94.1. I am also the Program Director for both stations (Program Director is radio speak for head disc jockey). I'm thinking this will be my last season with the Bronco gig. I'm not able to put the time into it to do a good job. Quite frankly Swift Current is a great hockey community and there are lots of people who could do just as good a job as me. As a kid my best memories where going to Bronco games with my mom and my father figure Jim Spencer. I owe it to my own children to provide them with memories like that (and I know Keen would snap if I had them in the broadcast booth every game). I look forward to watching the team in the next few years. The Civic Center with new renos and a team sure to do some damage will be a fun place to be. Plus, I would really like to participate in the Pizza Box Races.

    More posts coming up. I attended Robbie Burns night. Haggis has gotten a raw deal in the public eye...More to follow....